Cricket!Cricket!!Cricket!!!......if you don’t like it don’t read it....mind it :-)

I  originally thought of writing something damn serious this time because my previous funny adventures’ articles gave severe stomach ache to many of the avid readers!!..


So , then i decided to open up my latop screen,go to Microsoft word and start typing about cricket. Friends its world cup time and my nonsense fixtures would only add frolicity to it.Hence,when i was thinking of cricket and seriousness , the first name to popup in my mind was that of S.Sreeshanth.(who,interestingly, is the only human on planet earth to be named exactly opposite of his nature).


Thesedays i read blogs ,articles and newspapers regarding the grandplans and strategies which each of the participating teams are making, the poojas & yagya which fans perform,and extra cuttings the cricket “stars” give at the media conference...i laugh..i giggle...i get headache..i cough...i drink bendryl...then i dooze off!!
Reason..because they all forget onething “that in the end its just a ‘game’”.


Thus below are some of the important news/articles regarding CRICKET WORLDCUP....which i felt like sharing with you.






1. Country : INDIA


Newsapaper: The crindu


Article: Tendulkar fans plan Egypt and Libya like protests if umpires give a wrong decision!!


Mumbai,21st feb: Inspired with what ordinary folks can achieve if they stick together for a common cause, fans of Sachin Tendulkar have decided to speak out against those dictatorial umpires, who rule the little master out showing utter disregard for popular sentiments and beliefs during the last format of the worldcup. Tendulkar fans have already started collaborating on social networking websites and are all set to break into Egypt like protests the moment an umpire rules Sachin out.


“We have been tolerating this tyranny for 22 long years since Tendulkar made his international debut,” 24-year-old samanth said, comparing the tyrannous regime of Anti-Tendulkar umpires with that of Hosni Mubarak, who has been ruling Egypt for 29 years.


“Enough is enough!” declared kiran from united states via skype, wearing a coca-cola black T-shirt with “change the game or my name” written over it.


As per the planned events, the moment Sachin is given out “wrongly”, fans would start assembling on a designated “Tendulkar Square” in the city of mumbai, preferably on the marathi ground as well as just outside the other local football stadiums(who cares ..football or cricket...ground is ground!!), and refuse to disperse unless the umpires overturn their decision.


“We are going to make hashtags like #JusticeForgod and # godisneverout trend globally on Twitter, while millions would join our protests on Facebook,” informed abhishek from bhubaneswar, “We are already using Google maps ,google earth and Wikimapia to mark places in and around the stadiums as Tendulkar Squares.”






2. Country : Bangladesh


Newspaper : Ami bangla mach


Article: if Indians dedicate this world cup to sachin, then we dedicate this world cup to ganguly!!


Dhaka,22nd feb: In a dramatic development a day ahead of the India-Bangladesh match in the ICC Cricket
World Cup 2011, Bangladesh has declared that it wanted to win the cup for the former Indian captain Sourav Ganguly.


With Ganguly not being even a Bangladeshi refugee or an immigrant, the move is being termed as a cunning “mind game” against big mighty teams like Australia and england.


Of course if we win it for our country by default, but we want to present this cup to Dada as our gift and as a tribute to his excellence,” Shakib clarified and claimed that the team had blessings from the Bangladesh Cricket Board as well as from the government.


“Yes, we want to win it for Dada,” Shakib Al Hasan, the captain of Bangladesh declared this morning in a hurriedly called press conference, which also had “korbo lorbo jeetbo re” written on a canvas in the backdrop.


Interestingly sharukh khan was also present at the press conference not only to support this cause but also promote his new upcoming film Ra.one......”from last two years, money is going out but nothing is coming ...so i thought of cost-control measures and convinced Bangladeshis for a joint press statement”....sharukh khan told winking his wrinkled eyes...


{”i think already dada and eden garden are both out...now its time for buddhadeb bhatterjee to go”....whispered shahrukh in the ears of smiling mamta didi.,who had just come in passenger train to Dhaka to show off her austerity drive and to cheer bangla team.....our source confirmed us}






3.Country : Pakistan


Newspaper : Pakistan-e-barbad


Article : Pakistan players ask for life imprisonment in Andaman nicobar islands if allowed more match fixing


Islamabad,23rd feb: forseeing the difficult times going in Pakistan, the Pakistan cricket team along with the now suspended trio has asked the PCB-pakistan cricket board to to fix a few more matches, especially in the coming World Cup to make more pocket money.


“Let them make some money....they too have family and childrens to feed “ shouted Veena Malik, the ex-girlfriend of mohd.asif .Even the suspended young bolwer Amir said, “But they should allow us to play in the coming world cup and throw some more no-balls and wides after consulting the bookies.”


The trio along with veena malik and sania mirza argued that this would be a “win-win” situation for all the parties – ICC, cricketers, and bookies.


According to sources, PCB, which earlier didn’t show any interest in helping the players, has now expressed interest in “partnering” with the cricketers in their latest “initiative”. “


Yes, we got a call from a board member earlier today where he offered us to help and secure a better ‘deal’ with the ICC,” Salman Butt confirmed, “But we have not taken a call yet. In fact, we may not need them at all as ICC president Sharad Pawar has already replied to our mails and sought details of our offer.
In the mean time, the PCB is seeking special advice from Suresh kalmadi and A.Raja on this matter.






4.Country: Srilanka


Newspaper: lengthy timepass tensionless entertainment paper (LTTE newspaper)


Article : Srilanka is going to rest entire team against liliputs Newzealand


Colombo,24th feb: In action packed thriller interview with the newsapaper,the veteran of the srilankan cricket team MP.jayasuriya announced that the entire team is being rested in the not-do-happening match against minnows new-zealand .


“look i am a member of parliament , down here in srilanka...i have hundreds of other works to do. Its completelty waste and time-boring to play against new-zealand...as they cant even win against my sons’ cricket team....its other issue that he is only 4 years and my bat weighs more than him.”


“We have lots of important cricket coming up. There is the Kai Altech Premier T20 league and ACC matches against Malaysia , Kenya and Afghanistan. Given the amount of cricket the boys have been playing, we want to protect them from injury and keep them fresh for these important engagements,” replied srilankan captain .


“still trying to convince srilankan cricket board to pay 20,000$ to sangakara so that he convinces all the team members to play the match”...wrote preity zinta via #imhotbutmarraigenot


And later in another press conference the reporters tried to cheer up vettori by asking him “How does it feel to be the best batsman, left-arm spin bowler, and only international caliber player in the team that you also happen to captain”. , for which vettori blushed and walked out.




5.Country :Australia


Newspapers: the racist jerks!!


Article: Aussies have appointed rajnikant as their special strategist for south Asian matches.


Sydney,26th feb: After ricky pointing wrongly threw his helmet on the t.v rather than throwing it inside the locker, the Australian cricket committee has decided to appoint rajnikant as special coach , so that he can help to throw things properly in proper places without even looking at it and that too from miles away.


Most recently rajnikant swept all the nobel awards for inventing “chitti” last year. Chitti, the Robot, has been reckoned by the committees as an “outstanding contribution” to the fields of Physics, Chemistry, Physiology, and Peace, while the script of the Tamil movie Enthiran, which is based on the life and achievements of Chitti, has been regarded as an “outstanding work in an ideal direction” in the field of Literature, thus completing a clean sweep of Nobel Prizes for Rajinikanth.


This indeed added weighted advantage to rajni before he was chosen as the special coach. Even kailagnar karunanidhi threatened to go on 1hour hunger strike if this tamil superstar was denied his right postion and place in the cricketing world.






And friends after going through so many newspapers i dint feel like reading more...because rest come ,play and go back ...So there’s no need to even blink about them!!

i may not have.......

I may not have attitude like armstrong

I may not have brain like bill gates

I may not have courage like ceaser

I may not have dream like dalai

I may not have emphasis like einstien

I may not have fortune like ford

I may not have guts like gandhi

I may not have heart like hitler

I may not have ideology like indira

I may not have joy like jackson

I may not have knowledge like koch

I may not have learning like lincoln

I may not have manners like mandela

I may not have nerve like napoleon

I may not have opportunity like obama

I may not have passion like picasso

I may not have quest like quimby

I may not have range like  rajnikant

I may not have style like shahrukh

I may not have talent like tendulkar

I may not have urge like ulysses

I may not have valour like victoria

I may not have wings like wright

I may not have xeniality like xiaobo

I may not have yareness like yunus

I may not have zeal like zoroaster

                But one day  i hope of  becoming one of them..........

The year that wasn't!!! 2010......

 In my last blog entry....I mixed romance & adventure , drenched them in a pool of fun and wondered that it would be appropriate to enjoy it.Yah!!! you loved it ..i know!! Thats why without wasting much of my time i am back with another pop-buster....but this time it is little bit more satirical{thanks to one shanky bro....for a funny e-mail he shared with me}.So, people get ready to laugh and giggle in your sit ....with my name on your lips(if ur a girl) or in your brain(if ur a boy).


Guys already one month in the year 2011 has passed, but have you ever forced your mind on “how was the year 2010?”.So to make things easier .....for you and ofcourse your brain(how in this world can i forget that )... i clubbed down some top 5 “news PAPER cuttings” which broke my spine last year.....(mummyyyyyy!!!)



Count down begins..........

5. Lalit Modi had laughed hysterically after declaring Champions League open



Banglore: No Non-sense newspaper has learnt that IPL commissioner and chairman of the Champions League Twenty20′s governing council Lalit Modi had quietly gone back to his room and had a hysterical laugh after he declared the Champions League open this Thursday. Modi was apparently rolling on his bed in his five-star suite as he remembered the last couple of years since he broke into the international scene with IPL auctions of cricketers.



“F man! I actually made people buy and sell cricketers, and it was not for any fantasy league with virtual money! Real money and real players for real games! Who could have done that?” Modi said to himself excitedly as he lay face down on his bed. Then he screamed “woohoo” and threw the pillows upwards and punched the bed five times with his right fist before the pillows fell down back on the bed.



Modi then turned back and lay with his face facing the ceiling, and then suddenly burst into hysterical bouts of laughter, with his left hand on his belly and his legs fidgeting in the air as he recalled the bygone days, source close to him said.

Its a different issue that he was later sacked and parceled to banana republic.



4. Google secretly developing a competitor to Paul the Octopus



California, USA. Concerned over the growing popularity of Paul the Octopus for accurately resolving people’s doubts, something for which a lot of people have relied upon Google search results, Google is reported to be developing its own Octopus, tentatively named “Google 8”. The Google Octopus could be launched anytime later this year and would be distributed and sold through retail stores unlike other google products that were distributed and sold through online downloads.



“People would ask all kinds of questions to Google when something bothered them – Will I ever get a girlfriend? When will i get 10 likes in my status update? Is my neighbor a *** offender? Will kenya win the 2011 world cup? Will USA be a Muslim state by 2050? Will manmohan and sonia ever marry? – but soon they could start flocking to octopuses for such queries and google could lose a considerable traffic.” explained an internet expert.



Earlier Google had felt threat from the growing popularity of facebook and was believed to be working on development of “Google Me”, but it’s not clear if the internet giant could shelve the development of “Google Me” to launch “Google 8” in time. Our sources in China confirm that preparations are afoot to market tiny octopuses in smaller aquariums and brand them iPaul, something that hurts Google as well as Apple, two American corporate giants.



PS: paul left all of us soon after the world cup and became part of japenese sushi soup in chinese restras.....RIP octopus paul





3. SRK releases “My Name Is Kahn and im not a nazi!!”



Berlin, Germany. Our german branch reported the collaboration of Shahrukh Khan and the star German goalkeeper Oliver Rolf Kahn to release a new movie called “My Name Is Kahn”.



On being asked about the movie, Oliver said, “Well I will be starring in this movie. In the movie I will be playing a football coach who comes to India to train a team of whiny, bitchy air-headed girls so that they can win some tournament with their neighboring college. But unfortunately, because of my German origins, I am detained and held up at the airport for hours citing security reasons. And I say – My Name Is Kahn… and I am not a Nazi......



The movie is being released primarily made to distract Shiv Sena workers away from shahrukh’s “my name is khan”, Oliver was quite excited over the prospects and went on to reveal the bulk of the plot, “Then it (the movie) will show my slow transformation from an October fest German, who gets irritated by numerous Hitler references, into a proud Marathi Manoos who settles down with one of the Maharashtrian girls from the team in a simple yet emotional manner.”




note : oliver khan was seen yesterday shouting outside shahrukh's house...."mera {cheque-de} india"



2. Rahul Gandhi warned US of rising power of Narnia: WikiLeaks



New Delhi. In another major embarrassment for the Congress party and possibly US policymakers too, the latest cables released by WikiLeaks show that Congress general secretary Rahul Gandhi had warned an US diplomat over rising might of Narnia, the mythical country depicted in The Chronicles of Narnia, a fantasy novel and movie series for children.



Rahul Gandhi had apparently suggested that while Al Qaida remained a big threat and Osama should be hunted down, USA should not ignore the developments in Narnia and keep an eye over the followers of Aslan, the talking lion who is widely regarded as the creator and lord of Narnia.



Aslan, the mighty lion from Narnia...“If some of our kids can get transported to Narnia through wardrobes and paintings, the Minotaurs and Ogres of Narnia can sneak into our world as well, isn’t it?”



Rahul Gandhi is supposed to have told US president Mr.Barack obama while pointing out towards a painting at Manmohan Singh’s residence where they were attending a lunch hosted by the Indian Prime Minister in honor of visiting US president last year.



1.Unable to understand Inception, IIT aspirant kills himself



Hyderabad: Christopher Nolan’s recently released mind bending sci-fi movie Inception has opened to rare reviews by critics and has triggered a lot of discussion amongst the movie lovers, but little did anyone know that this movie would end up claiming the life of a 17 years old IIT aspirant. Wednesday was a sad day for the Rao family when the youngest member of the family Gopal committed suicide because he wasn’t able to understand Inception completely even after watching it for seven times, three times in his dreams.



“Gopal was waiting for this movie ever since he saw the first teasers on YouTube six months back. He went to the movie theatre with his notebook and took copious notes too. But, then I don’t know what forced him to take such a drastic step,” said his father, Ram.



“Although he was too old for this kind of gift, but on Tuesday night he demanded a spinning top (lattoo) from me as his 18th birthday gift,” Ram continued, as he wondered what went wrong with his son.



His friend Jaideep added that Gopal had read all the reviews of the movie online and had also updated his Facebook status after watching the movie to “Is this real or am I dreaming? Guys, give me a kick!” {which was liked by 7 of his friends}.

Gopal, an IIT aspirant, was a student of FIITJEE (Forget IITJEE). He was found sleeping in the last bench on the day of FIITJEE’s All India Test series this Sunday. He committed suicide three days later.



“Projection of my subconscious is a loser!” were the last words of Gopal in public, as he shouted back at his laughing classmates and stormed out of the test room.



Bonus :

Hrithik roshan has the sexiest armpits: Rediff poll



Mumbai. An online poll conducted by the popular Indian website Rediff.com has chosen Hrithik roshan as the celebrity with The Sexiest Armpit. Hrithik emerged on top among ten Indian and international celebrities to win the title. Sanjay Dutt, Salman Khan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brad Pitt, Roger Federer, Shoaib Akhtar, He-Man, Smelly Cat, and Rakhi Sawant were the other contenders for the title. This shortlist was decided by Rediff Comments team.



Within minutes of the result being declared, hrithik’s facebook page received millions of likes mainly by girls. Around thousand comments were posted, out of which more than 950 were reported for breathlessness. Rest of the comments either congratulated hrithik or accused sanjay leela bhansali of having funded the poll. Some comments showed broken URLs of website offering free full body massage, while one user wondered why Brad Pitt was not selected even though his name rhymed with armpit.



But away from the world of comments,Hrithik expressed that his magic would have influenced the result and thanked fans for selecting his armpits. Media analysts believe that Hrithik could now win various advertising contracts for deodorant brands and teach Abhishek bachchan how to get an idea.





What an idea sirjee???.......!!