Tuesday, August 16, 2011

20 commandments of Con-gre-ass party


Dear con-grease party workers,
As you’re slightly aware that the “holy di-wine” is suffering from a very rare disease .So, The diggviji sigh & man-no-man are currently feeling very lonely. Hence Before leaving for her anticipated high profile visit to state of new-cork…….Madam along with other senior dignitaries has framed a  mayavati-nice , vodka-strong and kalmadi-innocent commandments to be followed by all Con-grease workers across the universe.


      1.The frame(photo ones) must never be stained, as party high command has proclaimed;
   
      2. Love Rahul BABA over all things;
      
      3. Declare your unconditional love for Con-gre-ass & Sonia Jee;

      4. Defend the Fingers of Hand;

      5. Preach the words of “Sonia G” all over the world;

      6. Pray in the church where she preached, and to her sacred well ironed Sarees;

      7. Do not proclaim the name of Sonia/Rahul infront of other political parties;

      8. Follow the teachings of the Rajiv Church;

      9. Let Gandhi be your second name, and that of your children;
 
     10. “lei è forza, E 'universo, è al centro di tutto” (Meaning “she is strength, She is universe ,        
she is the center of everything”)

11.. The month September shall hence forth be renamed as “ soniamber”

12. Thou shalt have no other leader before her, neither Gandhi nor ambedkar, vallabhai nor bose. Thou shalt worship only her, and come to 10janpath only for answers.

13. Thou shalt remember each passing day and use thy time as an opportunity to gain knowledge of Her highness.

14. Thou shalt not misspell whilst praying to her. i.e, Edvige Antonia Albina Maino

15. Thou shalt not Google about anna hazare

16. Thou shalt not manipulate with factbooks and try to find out about origin of her highness “godmother”

17. Thou shalt not make for thyself any graven image of sonia

18.Thou shalt always know is the ultimate BOSS – Rahul JEE
      
      19.Thou shalt learn Italian and make it your mother    tongue

20.Thou shalt read above 19 points daily 64times (her age) or else Delhi Police will be sent to detain You and send you to Tihar jail

Hope you will be well versed by the above 20 commandments.

Please note : In every 6 months a test will be conducted to check your level of grip over the subject.

For eg., 1.Explain Manmohan mode (7 marks)
              2.In detail explain Manish teWARi (15 marks)


Yours sincerely,
Always lovable,
Jai didi

P.MukherG
(phy-nonsense minister)

                                         Janhit mein jaari..............

Friday, August 5, 2011

Memories....



Memories…..Some are big, others are beautiful. Some express love, others revisit the lost. Some give remembrance, others give pleasure. Some transport you back, others bring a smile.


Whichever way you try, memories are the only paradise  which can never   be expelled from our life!   

 5th, August, 2010

I was in deep siesta. Suddenly random sounds woke me up. Slowly I opened my eyes, with a blurred vision, I can see white clad sarees  hovering around the room. This usually never happens in In-patient Ward at Christian Medical College at night 2 o’clock. After recuperating my full senses I can observe Adis’ O2 meter was coming down slowly but surely. With every passing minute it was dropping a per cent.


The situation was reasonably bad. Junior doctor responsible of the night shift made few attempts with additional anti-biotics to make matters well again. But of absolutely no use.

Karincheti Aditya was experiencing last few minutes of his life.

Sitting next to him, holding his hand, my brain started a 20 year ‘back’ journey.

Nothing was more memorable than the feeling.  The warmth of his hand was impulsive, momentary and fortuitous, which entreated upon as a playful summer mango tree in grannys home; another, a  moonlight terrace sleep; a third, a fight posing as WWE wrestlers.  The presentiment triggered slowly a strong dark insight of memory like giant blast in universe creating black hole., A vaccum to come in his absence.

Everything ceased to exist . The sprinting of people around me. The reverberation of  medical equipment beeps .The cool dark weather outside the window. The dim light inside the room. The speechless parents.


As the clock ticked past 2.30, my wish was finally fulfilled.To hug him.The moment my chin struck his right shoulder…..goosebumps rolled up my sleeves and the tears which evaporated for a span of 3 years suddenly broke me down with huge thump in heart.



The only question which I whispered into ear was “ when will come back for a fight?”…….

As anticipated there was no reply….( for past 48 hours he was in coma)


All I lived, was the moment. it wasn’t going to come back….


Exactly At 2.55a.m , The curtains fell upon the life of  a person who has been part of my life and will remain forever. His struggle, tussle, and wriggle are unceasing and relentless teachers for me.

An Year Later......

 Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, excruciating, and biased at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Adi always taught me one thing: come whatever, whether its sad or happy, disheartening or unlucky, winning or stressed, intentional or insulting……In the end accept it with a smile.


As, the very exquisite purpose of life is a life of purpose, don’t fight it,Challenge it.



“When life goes wrong, as it sometimes will,
when the road you’re trudging seems all uphill.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us occasionally learns.

Stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
So,No matter what happens,never quit..........”



Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Bad-Ass Anti-Heroes of the Cartoon World

 Lord Voldermort (1997-2011)


Finally, after much awaited  years of  daring,wandering and wondering .... nose less Voldermort uncle  is finally dead. 
But definitively he was one of the biggest bad-ass characters ever-created.


Hence came a thought  to relish and remember those good old bad villains of yesteryear when we were kids.


Cartoons of any form , whether its in comics,television or anime is love child to every one.
They are all but fantasy filled world where toys can dance, cars can jog,animals are billionaire,cats have love stories, and in the end " All is Well"......


So, dear friends, hold back and get ready for a journey towards a AWESOME vintage flashback of BAD-ASS anti-hero cartoon characters.




10.DisHonest John(Beany and Cecil)





Dishonest John is an evil baddie, who he is constantly scheming to foil Beany and Cecil’s adventures. His catch phrase is an epic cry “Nya ha ha!”. Whenever Dishonest John’s schemes are revealed to the heroes, Cecil tends to respond with an aghast “What the heck! D.J., you dirty guy!”. 


Not only is he evil as Dishonest John – but he becomes the supervillian Bilious Beetle who has a big stinger and can fly under his own power! He also occasionally appears in the mechanical squid “Billy the Squid” which he uses to trick Beany and Cecil. Dishonest John was the inspiration for the AC/DC song “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap”.(more in winkingpedia :)



9.Dick Dastardly(Wacky races)



who can forget his long thin knife sharp mustache and the horrific sarcastic dog??......


In Wacky Races, Dick Dastardly was one of the racers who competed in every episode for first place in a long and hazard-filled cross-country road rally. As his name implies, Dastardly aimed to win solely through cheating and trickery. His race car, named “The Mean Machine,” featured all sorts of devious traps for him to use against his opponents. Dastardly was always accompanied by his dog Muttley who has a very distinctive emphysemic laugh.



8.Wile E. Coyote(Road Runner)



Ok this guy is super-geek because of various obvious reasons.....


1.he has un-intercepted supply of acme explosives


2. In every episode he attempts to destroy the Roadrunner with a bag of tricks that would make any terrorist envious


3.the end result is SAME in the end. The innocent roadrunner escapes.......and wile blows himself up




7.Cruella de Vil(101 Dalmations)


I don't belive in sexism , so how about a lady villain ??.... who  in the sane world can forget the black and white lady . Elegant she may be… but attractive she is not! 


The evil Cruella spends all of her time trying to catch the 101 Dalmations required to make herself a beautiful Dalmation fur coat. She always has the left half of her hair white and the right half black. Cruella’s name is a play on the words cruel and devil, an allusion which is emphasized by having her country house nicknamed “Hell Hall”.


6.Elmer Fudd(Bugs Bunny)


When the bug bald egg head shaped hunter comes into jungle , its catastrophe. atleast thats what he thinks.We have witnessed numerous legendary episodes of him making foolery of his shooting skills.

 He speaks in an unusual way, replacing his Rs and Ls with Ws, so "Watch the road, Rabbit," is replaced with "Watch the woad, wabbit!" Elmer's signature catchphrase is, "Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits", as well as his trademark laughter, "huh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh".

5.Charles Montgomery "MontyBurns aka Mr.Burns
(The Simpsons)



He is a stereotype of Corporate America in his unquenchable desire to increase his own wealth and power, inability to remember his employees' names (including Homer's, despite frequent interactions - which has become something of a recurrent joke) and lack of concern for their safety and well-being. 


Reflecting his advanced age, Burns is given to expressing dated humor, making references to pre-1950 popular culture, and aspiring to apply obsolete technology to everyday life.

4.Team Rocket(Pokemon)


Team Rocket desires to steal Pokémon to further its goal of world domination. They are led by the criminal mastermind, Giovanni. But in the end of every episode, team rocket rockets back into sky and become a star.#epic

3.Dark kat(The Swat Kats)

What happens when two cats fly a fighter jet and save the world.....they become SWAT KATS. My childhood memories had a heavy weightage of swat kats.

Dark Kat was the main arch-enemy of the SWAT Kats. He is very large, intelligent and evil with a black and red hooded coat and purple skin; Dark Kat wanted to destroy Megakat City to create a new lawless town called "Dark Kat City". Being highly intelligent and calculating, Dark Kat often anticipated his foes' actions with great accuracy, and it was a recurring theme throughout the series that all of his hideouts are rigged with explosives

2.Bluto(Popeye)


A classic example of how cartoons can be used as a pathway to make your kids eat healthy green vegetables.

The sailor- popeye in this carttons eats the green ( but in a can) spinach and beats bluto the super-heavy villian who is seldom seen kidnapping the over-skinny size zero Olive Oyl.


#1 Tom ,the CAT(Tom and jerry)



No guesses for top spot...... he is a seriously serious cat who has an oscar award under his belt.

Ladies and gentlemen presenting before you, the terrific,deadly and awesomo-awesome cat-TOM, who has been struggling since decades to win the unparallel ownership over jerry's body. 

His full name "Tom Cat" is based on "tomcat", a phrase which refers to male cats. He is very rarely heard speaking with the exception of a few cartoons.he sets traps, many of which backfire and cause damage to him rather than Jerry. Tom rarely sets out to eat Jerry, only to hurt or compete with him, going to great lengths in order to torment Jerry. However, Tom is shown to get along with Jerry at times.



other notable comics based (ommitted) anti-Heroes are :
1.Magento(X-men)
2.Megatron(transformers)
3.Shredder (ninja turtles)
4.Cobra (GI joe)
5.mumma-ra(thunder cats)
6.lex luthor (superman)
7.Devo(powerpuff girls)
  


BONUS 


Digvijay singh(UPA)


suprised ah??....  as per certain norms digvijay singh qualifies as cartoon because .,


1. he gives illogical answers for logical reasoning


2. whether right or wrong ; his BOSS IS always correct


3.he is king of bull-shitting


4. even after humiliating bashing from media, he still makes it up for next episode.....





"Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you"



Tuesday, July 5, 2011

From Economics With Love


My friends in St.Xaviers would know my love towards subject “Economics”. Untill few years they expected me to do majors in it and settle down as an Economist. But things and events turned around, changing the complete prospect of me becoming a economist.

But as you know, true love never fades out.

I never stopped thinking about it.

Hence I am here, exploring some funny Economic theories which may/can blow your mind by sheer simplicity and complete complexion it has embedded in it.


A General Economics/Commerce student would easily know that ECONOMICS is a Science which deals in production, distribution and consumption of Goods and Services.  It’s divided into micro and macro economics. The former deals in small level economic aspects like individual, home and firm level economic things, while the later deals in economy or country (in general terms) as a whole.


Now I would take time to throw light on some humorous and little known economic theories…..

5.Paradox of Hedonism



Take me …. I Have passion of writing silly things with little sense of meaning in it.I do it because I like it, I love it.(now its another issue that I seldom end up eating your head ;)  . 

But in terms of economic theory of  utilitarianism { marginal theory of utility }….. I do writing not because I love or like it..its because I seek pleasure out of it.

Yah, you read it right. Writing for me is an avenue towards acquiring pleasure
So?

The hedonistic paradox or the pleasure paradox says that if one sets the targets to please oneself too highly then the whole mechanism would in fact jam itself decreasing my happiness and interest in the hobby I do.

# The more I pursue the risk is high, I may end up losing complete interest in writing.

Fact: that’s why students  don’t take studies too seriously. Or else they  would be in danger of losing control on it.


4. Lipstick Effect

Economics has many categories for “goods”. “Luxury Goods” are items that people buy more of as their income rises, as opposed to “Necessity Goods” like food and shelter, whose demand is unrelated to income. Examples of luxury goods include fine jewelry, expensive sports cars and designer clothing.
 The Lipstick Effect is the theory that during an economic calamity(like recent recession), people buy more less costly luxury goods. Instead of buying a fur coat or Swatch watch, people will buy expensive lipstick. The idea is that people buy luxury goods even during economic hardships, they will just choose goods that have less of an impact on their funds. Other less expensive luxury goods besides cosmetics include expensive beer and small gadgets namely ipads.
Interesting Fact: After the 9/11 terrorist attacks on America, lipstick sales doubled. J
3. Tragedy of the Commons
The tragedy of the commons is a situation in which multiple individuals, acting independently, deplete a shared resource, even when it is not in anyone’s interest to do so. 
The best current example of this is fishermen. 
Nobody owns the earth’s fish populations, indeed, they are a shared resource. Fish are a good that people the world over consume, and as a result, there are multiple fisherman competing for these fish. Each fisherman will try to catch as many fish as possible in order to maximize his profits. However, it is also in the fishermen’s best interest to sustain the fish populations, i.e., leaving enough fish to repopulate, so that down the road, there are still fish to be caught. If each fisherman is concerned with sustainability, and they should be if they don’t want to find new careers in the near future, they theoretically will work to preserve the fish populations. 
Here is the problem: there is a lack of trust. A fisherman that acts responsibly and limits the amount he catches will be screwed if all the other fisherman do not. The other fisherman get more fish than he does, make more in profits, and will ultimately deplete the fish population anyway. So each fisherman, believing that the others will take more than their sustainable share, will take as many fish as he can, and the world’s fish supplies will deplete, even though no one wants them to.
2. Information Asymmetry
Information asymmetry is a prevalent issue in economics. In most sales transactions, the seller has more information than the buyer, and as such has the opportunity to try to pass off low quality or defective products for higher prices. 
This leads to buyer distrust and the old idiom: Buyer Beware.

Best information asymmetry example is the “Market for Lemons”, a term coined by the economist George Akerlof. 
The used car market is the classic example of quality uncertainty. A defective used car (“lemon”) is generally the result of untraceable actions, like the owners driving style, maintenance habits and accidents. Because the buyer does not have this information, their best assumption is that the vehicle is of average quality, and therefore will pay only an average fair price.
As a result, the owner of a car in great condition (“cherry”), will not be able to get a price high enough to make selling the cherry worthwhile. End result: the owners of good cars will not sell their vehicles in the used-car market. This reduces the quality of cars in the used-car market, this reduces the price buyers will pay, this further reduces the quality of cars sold. You get the idea.
1.perverse incentive

A perverse incentive is an incentive that has an unintended and undesirable effect which is opposite to the initial interests. A type of unintended consequences, perverse incentives are the result of an honest good intention. 
A historical example illustrates the problem: 19th century paleontologists traveling to China used to pay peasants for each piece of dinosaur bone that they presented. It was later found the peasants found bones and then smashed them into many pieces, which significantly reduced their scientific value, to get more payments. More modern examples include paying architects and engineers based on project costs, which leads to excessively costly projects as they overspend unnecessarily to make income.
Bonus : The cobra Effect
                            

This is when the solution to a problem actually makes the problem worse. The term ‘Cobra effect’ comes from an anecdote from colonial India. The British government wanted to decrease the population of venomous cobra snakes, so they offered a reward for every dead snake. However, the Indians began to breed cobras for the income. When the government realized what was going on, the reward was canceled, and the breeders set the snakes free. The snakes consequently multiplied, and increased the cobra population. The term is now used to illustrate the origins of wrong stimulation in politics and economic policy. Unfortunately, Today the failed states like USSR have made people lethargic and lazy because of encouragement of non-working, free subsidies attitude.




if you want more ., do google Paradox of Value,Tragedy of anti-commons,Khazzoom-Brookes Law,Paradox of Thrift. 

Monday, June 27, 2011

5 + 5 point Someone by BABA RAMONAV



Yesterday I met a pizza delivery boy in a hut. He was weak and drowsy. He got me a fresh garden pizza with extra cheese and may-sauce. After handing over my order....I gave him a generous Rs.3 Tip.

He was overwhelmed and couldn’t hold back his tears of joy.....he came out of counter, smiled and then fell on my feet.

He asked me to make a wish.

I thought for sometime....

And asked him "whether he would hack  into baba ramonav's secret notes drafts in facebook..",.

He happily obliged.....did some typing in th hut's apple fruit keyboard, clicked a rat and got me this...........


PROFILE NAME:BABA RAMONAV ..... (secret  chelsea IInd owner )
AGE : HAHAHA
STATUS : BABA TILL ETERNITY
ABOUT ME: YOGA GURU BY PROFESSION,NONSENSE SPEAKER BY PASSION,JUMPER BY AGGRESSION,.........and sometimes is BLACK MONEY SONG IS A  SOLUTION


MY PLANS IN 2xxx(..oh!! thats x represents number )

1. Every Indian and hot American blondes must perform pranab-yam every morning for atleast 40breathes. 20 times Lom Amul-om (per nostril/220hair glands) after finishing nature call.



2. Government must publish specific rate lists for every public office including sulabh sochalay, with the charges for various activities (including yoga ones) clearly displayed at the entrance. For example at the electricity office: old connection revival – Rs 10000, Faulty meter re-arrangement – Rs 3000,ramonav yoga camp -Rs 10,000 and so on. This would save citizens much heartburn & heatburn on finding out they were overcharged because they didn’t know the going rate.

3. If people want to use foreign goods...they must first spell it (Bayerische Motoren Werke :- BMW),   or else No foreign goods. No Nike. No Pepsi. No Katrina Kaif. No Sonia Gandhi.


4. Every public announcement to first get approved by eminent personalities on Twitter ,mainly if someone is pregnant. Any new proposal should be finalized only after getting a mention & retweet from at least twenty Twitterati, each with a minimum of 5000 followers.

Oh, and Twitter comes under the foreign goods category.Hence, TCS or infosys to be asked to write an Indian version of Twitter - CHIDIYA.

5. Schools in Bihar and Maharashtra to start a cultural exchange program called Manoos Bhaiyya. Laloo and Raj thack-rey should the head of the council. Kids from both Patna and Mumbai to travel to each other’s cities, and learn more about the local culture. Vada pav and litti,matka chai should  form compulsory form of diet.

6. Solitaire and texas hold-em poker to be banned, with any violations punishable with death by drowning in the Yamuna which would be  cleaned by NDTV under guidance of BHARKHA DUTT. Getting rid of this evil Microsoft and facebook game is estimated to improve productivity across government ,private sector offices, Colleges and hostels by at least 85%.

7. Dowry to be legalized. And made taxable under "Profits and Gains from Business or Profession". People do it anyway; let the government makes some money out of it. At 30%, Andhra alone estimated to gain annual revenues of Rs 10 lakh crores just through the dowry tax. Distribute this to the poor farmers, and no one will ever commit suicide again.

A new ministry to be formed "Dowry under ministry board".....DUMB

8. Prominent news channel anchors to be given magisterial  powers. This will enable them to deliver instant justice, instead of having to deliberate for weeks with experts and show two second clips a million times to convince viewers.Again,Bharkha Dutt and Arnab Gowsami should be made the head of this department.


9. “Mere Baap Ka Beta rati-Chor Hai.” Anybody found guilty of corruption to be immediately tattooed on the forehead. The power to do this will also be given to managers in private sector firms who will be able to perform this on anybody found submitting fake bills for reimbursement mainly honeymoon travel bills.

10. Radio to be banned. Yes, you heard it right. All the ills of modern society are being spread by Radio. After all who listens to radio these days. people want more soap-shampoo operas, more morally corrupt deodorant ads,  more hutties$Roadies, more sing-song  shows, more ice-breaking news, more jee- ranks, more less-cooking shows, more zero-tolerant talent shows . This alone will fix half of our problems.

Foolproof as it may seem, if by any chance these plans do not work, then Shri Rajnikanth Sir to be brought in to repeat the nation-saving act he so successfully demonstrated in Sivaji – The Boss.