Read your Horoscope through my eyes.....no this is not facebook application rather its my invention

Yesterday finally my in-house astrologer was back to office after travelling around the Himalayas and meeting the Bulletproof Monk who sold his Tata Nano and did its sawari.(He also purchased  few books in airport  namely “you can win” or “you can sell”..to improve his not so happening astrology business which was hampered after the release of “what’s  your rashee?...are you going to kashi?”). It was a very enlightening journey he says, where he saw Crouching Chinese and Hidden Soldiers in Tibet. He even found out that 4/3 Indians are poor at fractions and Life on Earth might be expensive, but it does includes trip around the Sun!!!

My astrologer is a very busy man. His clientele base includes a jobless engineer, ubiquitous political party worker,  PR publicist of Shahrukh Khan Productions(as his boss does all his work),Chetan  bhagat and  a newly married couple who would always enquire about  ‘the colour of the vehicle they must buy to at least complete 10,000kms on it without becoming parents’..(as per a recent survey, the more you ride a vehicle with your wife/g.f...the higher are the chances of her getting pregnant).

My astrologer takes pride on mentioning Chetan bhagat : his most prolific client,who regularly visits him for his books names.

“Chetu ..that’s what i call him ...believes in numerology and takes human life as inspiration. It’s not mere a coincidence that all his four novels have numbers in their titles, be it Five Point Someone, or One Night at Call Centre, or Three Mistakes of My Life, or 2 States. Even , if you look at the history of the  books he wrote, all have followed human life as themes. First he wrote about graduation(IIT), then post-graduation(IIM),(bpo) job, love and finally marriage. According to my prediction his next book will be titled “what you 2 should except when you are expecting”....based on child-birth.”....he told me once.

And as always his remedies(solutions for the problems) would be common “Apart from repeating the mantra three times a day after drinking buffalo’s milk, sleep with a black-brown dog on a blue mattress made of jute, holding his left rear leg with your right hand, on days when Sensex loses more than 100 points”.......

So for all of you, my friends, i have especially and personally asked him to write down a year-based horoscope so that you can live in peace ever after until next year.....

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Summer is coming and you need to take a good care of yourself or your body parts can shrink beyond redemption. To add to your worries, fire (agni) is in the fifth house and is surrounded by ketu, it actually doesn’t mean a shit but you should be scared and take precautions. Before you step out of your house, you should chew three leaves of cactus along with little pieces of coconut and a dash of turmeric and pepper. This will keep you healthy and alert and your g.f/b.f will love you more.Keep safe all those tubes of Burnol that were gifted to you by your friends, you would always need them as fire is not going to leave you any time soon. But that doesn’t mean you should get disheartened and commit suicide by putting yourself on fire.

Remedies: Mix three grams of tulsi syrup in one litre of mineral water, preferably from Kent RO/aqua guard, and offer it to a gray (67.59% black) buffalo every Tuesday morning at 2.57 AM..

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’d be in the newspapers, either in the ‘oddly enough’ or ‘obituary’ section. Start adding journalists on facebook and orkut. If you are not too keen on getting mentioned in newspapers, change your television viewing habits. Try Radio. No, not the sexy RJ one, but the one your grandpa used to listen or which is listened to by call center workers while coming back from work in the company Qualis.. 2011 might prove good to you and your girlfriend could give you a costly gift, and guess what, she won’t use your cash or card to buy the gift! Her another boyfriend will buy it. Someone is getting lucky.

Remedies: Protect yourself against any impending danger by feeding wada-paav /idly to three hungry hogs each Friday morning.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

If you thought your zodiac sign had got something to do with gems and jewellery, I am sure you would come out of your illusion. You will lose the inheritance lawsuit you are fighting with your siblings and the court will actually order confiscation of all your teddy bears and play stations, including your gems jewellery and laptop. But don’t worry, there is a silver lining in every cloud. You won’t be paying any hotel bills or for costly gifts. Because after the court order your girlfriend will show middle finger to you  next time, you see her.

Remedies: you must wash three dirty donkeys near the bank of the nearest river each Monday to Friday at 9.00 PM sharp during the prime time, failing which you will lose all your money!

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

People running and owning some kind of businesses need to be careful this month. Bankruptcy could be on its way. And getting bankrupt at a time when the whole world thinks that the Japan economy is on the road to recovery is not a cool thing. Sell off your business and take up a job. The barber in the market is looking for an apprentice, grab the opportunity! Your lucky day, when you could sell off your business and join the barber, is Thursday. Other job options can be a call centre employee with a company that has its operations in the USA, a watchman in your local colony, an old fashioned thief, a journalist, or a train or a truck driver

Remedies: Cancerians living in any part of country would have  good news coming their way, provided they offer milk to snakes each Sunday and keep it away from Bear grills & Chinese.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

I hope you know that Leo is ruled by the sun and hence you must do all your work when the sun is out. Get a job that will allow you to work outdoors in summers and non-rainy day as much as possible, such as a traffic policeman, a salesman, a postman, a journalist, or a rickshaw or a taxi driver.You will make new friends this month in facebook, because your old friends in orkut had already dumped you last month, some even vanishing away with your wallet with credit points from mafia wars and cityvilla. Chose your friends carefully as they may be cannibals hunting for food in farmvilla. If you are single, don’t rush in changing your  relationship status. Basically, you need to be extra careful this month and keep your eyes and ears wide open

Remedies: You should move your toilet near kitchen and put that sofa on the terrace. Start sleeping with your head making an angle of 37.5% north east of your spouse’s left leg, and most of your troubles would go away.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

“tumhara zodiac sign virgo hai na? hai ya nahi?” remember that television commercial of virgin mobile? A similar predator, on a mission to destroy your virginity, will try to hit upon you when you’d be travelling with your mom to your hometown. Hit him with you high-heels in a way that punctures his cheek. Don’t worry, India has a defunct fat railway police and no case would be registered against you. So chill! If you are a man, a similar gay from (the gang of gays) predator will hit on you, and you know what to do. Apart from this, nothing would happen that could make you feel special, so you better feel that way. Your sense of humour will really take a dip and you would even laugh at this horoscope prediction.

Remedies:   try feeding five and half slices of butter-toast to a one-horned cow each Tuesday afternoon and Wear jeans underwear while taking bath in showers.

Libra (September 23 – October 23)

Your zodiac sign is also the symbol of legal system, but you could have serious trouble in legal affairs this month. The judge will try to grab your land. Land, yes, the one you either plow or have your property erected. Not much is known how to deal with such cases but god is merciful and omniscient. You should fast on each day when the hearing for the case comes up and send flying kisses to the judge when nobody is watching.

Remedies: don’t change your deodorant brand, but please take bath more regularly. Men should wear pink when going to discotheques and women should wear burqa. People would not get to notice your body odor this way

Scorpio (October 24 – November 21)

The union of Jupiter and Neptune in your birth chart suggests that you’d not be able to fart for the whole of this month. While this may sound like a good news to you, the worst part is that the air will keep on accumulating in your intestines and you would start looking like Adnan Sami or the nutty professor. You will win luxury soap in a one-legged racing contest in your nearest multiplex, but not before you would injure your nose by falling flat on your face

Remedies: Time period between 9.00 AM to 5.00 PM are not good for you and something untoward can happen to you so avoid doing anything in the above time period. Wear half pink and half yellow on Monday and Thursday.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

I’m sorry but you are going to have a nightmarish year ahead. You’d have strange apparitions and you’d hate everyone in this world. You’d feel that even the pigeons in your locality are showing their middle fingers to you. You will have a lot of time and opportunity to try out things you always wanted. Finally you would come to know that you were a loser all your life. You will win a lottery ticket only to find that the result was misprinted

Remedies: If you want to protect yourself from any calamities, you must take bath after breaking an ostriches’ egg on your head. Even dinosaur egg won’t be bad either.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your appetite will grow this month and you’d always feel like eating something or the other. If you are a politician you would eat into the public reserves and empty the state treasury. If you are a cricketer, you would eat all balls and score pathetically slow. If you are a cook, you would be fired. If you are a doctor, god save the patient. If you are a student, god save you. There is a danger of meeting an accident while riding a horse, so be careful and use protection.

Remedies: Always ask for tea made in goat milk when you go to Barista or cafe coffee day.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19)

Your friends will see your facebook profile photo in the ‘hottie of the day’ application. You can’t help it as you are too technically challenged to change the settings to stop that from happening. So let it be and be prepared to receive some winks and naughty messages, including those sent by friends of the same sex and those who are double/half your age

Remedies: change your password to “SatireShashank”......and see how your luck changes

Pisces (February 20 – March 20)

After reading the fortunes of others, you still want to know yours? Don’t you already feel insignificant and useless, lying at the last position in the hierarchy of horoscope signs? Yes, you are a destined loser, always coming last in race and first in bed. You might continue to forward those stupid emails but you won’t get an iota of Bill Gate’s fortune.

Remedies : Wake up at 3.00 AM each Friday, take a butter toast, wear a green shirt and walk out of your home. You must wink at the first thirteen beggars that you come across before feeding the fourteenth beggar the toast. Bring back the butter and apply on your forehead before going on work/college

p.s:  "My romance with c.a books is taking heavy beating beacuse of the lengthy writing".... thats what my milkman thinks...hence,i wont be updating this blog untill June...so please dont cry and wait in desperation for the next one........

The joke called 2012......beware laughing is non-injurious

A mother of a 7 year old said:

“I have a 7 year old that happened to see a documentary on the history channel that scared him so bad, that he became depressed and began to question the “meaning of life”. He is 7 years old. This nonsense is scaring our children - it must stop immediately. I found this website and tried the best I can to explain to him it was all a hoax.”

A social networker wrote:

“Tsunami in Japan!!Makes me wonder if all the hype regarding 2012 might actually turn out to b true” :(

Friends, I’m still laughing at very thought of 2012. People, social websites, internet, newspapers, history channel, news channels, magazines.....everywhere....every damn place this phenomenon is waging like a wild forest fire. We definitely don’t live in a fool’s paradise.Then, how come we believe all this non-sense and brainless crap about some date and a 2500year old calendar.

Anyways, it always giggles me, “How the earth would end?”

“Earthquake, tsunami, volcanic eruptions, zombies rise, aliens attack, solar flare, etc.”If these are the actual book version reasons then mine entirely contradicts.

Hence, I have imagined a list of events which can/may happen and indeed give mental trauma and then  cause mass-extinction of entire human race because of their occurrence or else you will happily see the sunlight of 23rd dec,2012!!

1. The date itself

If you are not a completely useless person, you would know that day would be 21/12/2012, which would be written as 21-12-2012 no matter which formatting you use till you stick to Gregorian calendar. Adding all the numbers , the  result would be 2...(2+1+1+2+2+0+1+2=11...1+1=2)...and according to astrology 2 is not good!!....if you come 2^nd in class, then parents will kill you. If you are the 2^nd boy-friend, then your g.f will compare you with the 1^st one. The number 2 is associated with bad luck in some countries, and even has a specifically recognized phobia known as “Twosuckophobia”(Oh F).So don’t panic, I will tell you how to protect yourself.

But before that, you must be convinced that today is indeed a special day. It’s the last opportunity in this century to be alive on a day when all the three parameters of a day (day, month and year) can be denoted by a single digit. Not only that, this day is special in many ways.

If you happened to wake up at 12.12 AM , man you have done just the right stuff. You simply don’t need to worry, but to be on the safer side, you should wear 12 underwears during the whole day today. Try changing them each time the minute hand of the clock strikes 12.

 Before stepping out of your home, you must spit twelve times on your right side. Remember, each time you must spit on the same spot or you might be hit by a running bull as soon as you reach the main road. And also send twelve messages to your friends or else they will face the end and you will escape.

To protect yourself from road accidents, jump in the air after each twelfth step you take while you walk. For best results, stretch your legs and arms as much away from each other as possible when you jump. In case you are not walking and are driving, apply brakes after each 12 meters and try to drive at 12kmph. Oh, god is merciful, he is all knowing.

2.The Rise of Thailavar Army and apocalypse  (30 days before the end)

The Government of India along with The American army has finally woken up to reality and decided to take up arms against “thailavar 5.0 a.k.a chitti”,which has made its own army and already captured Africa and europe. The war which will involve some of world’s top military minds from and is about to cost  india an amount ten times more than the Spectrum Raja scam, pushing the india economy into a decade long economic tailspin.

 Admitting defeat, the  Nato chief said, “It would have been totally badass if we could pull off thailavar; I mean think about it! The possibilities are mindboggling in various spheres of life.we tried our level best to keep it off our shores but of no utter  use. Only America and Asia are left and my only hope now is rajni sireee .”....shouted the chief from his underground secret gas chamber in germany.

Even though China has conceded defeat , some military companies in Taiwan claim that they can still convince Rajni sir to stop Chitti .Meanwhile, the foreign secretaries of the leftover countries had an urgent meeting in the New yawk’s U.N building sparking off heavy speculations among media personnals that “chittti “ is  really a matter of concern. indian primeminister gave his condolences to Chinese premier over the phone and send a bouquet of Arunachal Pradesh apples and a Tibet shawl specially signed by the dalai lama.

3. Nucluer War between India and Pakistan(29 days before the end)

India and Pakistan attacked each other with nuclear weapons due a fight on tom and jerry. The whole event actually started at school in India when hundreds of kids came out of a nearby school and started pelting stones at each other today afternoon. The kids were fighting over a poster of “Tom & Jerry” that was coloured by one of the kids during the fine-arts class. As soon as the poster was put for display in the school gallery, kids grouped themselves into factions of Hindus and Muslims and started throwing stuff at each other.

“The poster was absolutely shocking and demeaning to us. It showed a saffron mouse kicking the ass of a green cat. Are we dumb not to understand that it was meant to demoralize Muslims? When we protested over the choice of colours, the teacher said that a student was free to use any color he wanted. The teacher is a communal Hindu. We decided to take things in our hands otherwise our self respect would have been trampled.” Salman khan, a four year old kid fumed.

“Mouse is the vehicle of the Hindu God Ganesh and by painting a saffron mouse they meant a Ganesh worshipping Hindu. A cat that attacks a mouse is of course hungry and by painting a green cat they meant a Muslim fasting during Ramzan. This poster is so disturbing to be painted at a time when Ganesh Chaturthi and Ramzan are going on.” Salman argued.

This led to the kids calling their parents and which in turn..turned the crisis more ugly. Thus allowing Pakistan to enter into India’s internal affairs and raging a spark among the two nations on communal basis. This event terrorised the president of Pakistan and compelling him to press the N-bomb Button.Thus paving a way to 3^rd world war and ending the entire human race.

4.Sarah palin becomes president of U.S.A.......!!(no dates required)

The thought itself crashed the world financial markets leading to mass-community suicide as the worst  financial crisis struck on the very news of her becoming the ultimate leader of the world.

Sarah palin after becoming the president of the United States of America allotted several key portfolios to her close friends. Paris Hilton became internal media screwing secretary while Lindsay lohan was made drug and theft bureau chief. While Mil Gibson was given the African relations secretary.

5. Colonising of facebook genes proved deadly(Alas!!..)

Last year Mark Zuckerberg, made the most significant kink in the history of evolution , by announcing the launch of the Facebook Genes, everyone thought it would assist the naturally occurring sensory organs and take people a step closer to realizing the most perfect human interactions system – the Facebook.

In layman terms, the Facebook gene was added to an embryo during pregnancy so that the child is born mutated with certain Facebook features embedded into it, giving it an edge over its peers in communicating and “staying connected”.

Parents needed to provide the name, e-mail address and Facebook ID for their foetus to sign up for the delivery, and the gene transplant was done free of cost by the Facebook Inc.FB Genes was made to  blur the difference between the physical and the digital worlds. People were able to continuously upload and download images, videos and information from their Facebook profiles. In the physical world, they will be able to exhibit three additional emotions – ‘Like’, ‘Poke’ and ‘WTF’ – with the help of various facial and lower body muscles.

“Even fb genes, helped B.tech grads to upload their American visa status which in turn would garner atleast 50 likes and 40 comments” commented Harishankar krishankumar,who preferred to called shanky999.

But this gene-game proved costly.The Al-Qaida and taliban along with mafia wars attacked all the profiles in facebook and hacked everyone ,putting virus on all socialities.

Six year old Arun Pisupati, a level 501 player of Mafia Wars with a family size of seven, surrendered at supreme court today. Arun had been playing Mafia Wars for more than nine months and had amassed huge cash and property by robbing other mafias and visiting Cuba. Arun also possessed a huge cache of weapons and vehicles, which the police are trying to recover, but his energy level had dropped alarmingly, the most likely reason he decided to surrender.

The Reason for his surrender was given as “heavy competition from outside terrorist groups forced Arun to quit”....

“He promised to hand over all his guns, property, cash, etc. to the government but wanted a safe passage to hospital to get his energy back. We couldn’t understand what was happening but told him that we agreed to his demands”...reported a newspaper.

6.Mayawati is the secret ruler of exiled-maya civilisation

and she is in process of converting all her possible enemies and mango crowd(aam junta) into asses.(even her name has the first sllyablle - MAYA)

A new study into Mayan calendar, writing and mythology has revealed that most of us could be turning into asses by the end of 2012 i.e. within one year from today, in fact the process is believed to have already started according to the latest research. The study warns that the human race will be replaced by donkeys (also known as asses) and the existing donkeys will rule over the neo-donkeys.

“Yes, there will be doomsday, but only for the human race. The earth will survive and so will the flora and fauna, sans the humanity. An army of asses will rise from its ashes and enslave the human race. She will also genetically modify us to transform us into substandard asses while the existing asses will rule over us.” Mulayam singh yadav,the major opponent of mayawati.

Attacks by asses on human beings are expected to grow rapidly in the coming months. Human beings would debate and plan how to tackle donkey kickbacks, but by then the dead army of asses would have been resurrected, followed by the doomsday. These chilling details of the new found prophecy effectively makes each ass in our neighborhood a potential future oppressor of the human race. So should we kill all the asses?

The research is already creating strong ripples across the world with various Hollywood producers queuing up to make a movie on the grand battle between asses and human beings. Produces claim that these big budgeted movies would also help in further research and would help the humanity fight the asses. Leading author Dan Brown too is supposed to be mulling over the possibility of writing a book over this possible ass attack and hence he send a garland made of jesus photos.

News channels across world too alerted its viewer about the possible revenge of the asses causing widespread hate attack against asses in various parts of the country. Government has appealed for restraint and has asked people not to act like asses. Home Minister P Chidambaram has assured the citizens that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh would be soon talking about this acute ass problem with US President Barack Obama.

8. Tcs , Wipro  ,Accenture and CTS plan auction style recruitment .....lowest CTC to get job

IT majors like Wipro,TCS (Tata Consultancy Services), Accenture and CTS  plan to hire 1,37,000 professionals for its domestic and overseas markets through campus auctions in the next fiscal. But the auctions will not have the companies bidding for bright freshers, but the freshers bidding for dull jobs. Each round of bidding will see 50 freshers coming together, and whoever quotes the lowest salary demand will get a job contract from them.

It is a mammoth effort to go all over the country and conduct complex processes to hire freshers who would anyways be kept on the benches. Hence what is the use of conducting irrelevant GDs and PIs to hire future-benchers? Hence they have decided to  take inspiration from the recently concluded IPL auctions and will be conducting auctions in many campuses of India to hire freshers.

A possible scenario of professional “franchises” gathered to bid for software jobs

The base prices of the freshers have been set as per their overall percentage or CGPA across the four years of education. Higher percentage commands a higher base price and then it’s a game of who goes the lowest for the “lucrative” offer.

The news  attracted mixed response from the freshers though. Many final year B.Tech students were already using linear programming methods to find the minimum amount they need to stay alive in various cities, while others have asked their parents if they could “contribute” a little.

This gave a severe heart-attack to parents all over the country who expected their kids to be placed immediately after 3^rd year.but,as soon as the news leaked graduates and their parents suddenly disappeared sparking a wide-spread mass suicide and encouraged others to do it as it was worthless to live in this auction-packed world.

There are other News Headlines which may choke humans to death by both causing heart-attacks and making them brain-dead.....

9. Laloo learns English completely

10. Rakhi Sawant is miss universe, world and earth

11. India tops the chart for most-non corrupted state

12. Farmvilla goes out of crop growing place ....acute food shortage across globe

13. Tata’s nana “heli-car” catches fire spontaneously in mid-air killing all its 600million users across the world.

14. Kenya and Zimbabwe sweep all Olympic gold medals

15. Pakistan takes up non-violence and is terrorism free.

16. Dubai sheikhs do their own work without their servants.

17. Gadaffi+Chavez+Mubarak+Ahmedanijad form “The Fantastic Four Justice Team”

18. Karunanidhi is married again

19.Srilanka,Nepal and bangladesh send first man to mars ahead of United states and Russia

20.Shashank  stops blogging.......(omg!! this will be the ultimate news to panic people)

The story of 3S's....strictly for adults and kids only!!

Disclaimer: IF you are above 18 please continue reading or else  stand up,walk back and close your rooms' door.As the author doesnt want any disturbance while you read. 

Friends, Indians have always had a history of liking 3Ss’.

The first S is Sports.

 May be kabaddi,hockey or newly found passion cricket , Indians always rocked. Many of the today’s youngsters  forget that once under major.dhyanchand,india swept  the field of hockey by winning back to back 3 Olympic gold medals 80 years before shooter abhinav bindra did it .

Interesting trivia: After seeing his prolific play at the 1936 Berlin Olympics, Adolf Hitler offered Dhyan Chand, a Major in the British Indian Army, German citizenship and an offer to promote him to the rank of a Colonel (which Dhyan Chand, of course, refused!!!)

Now it’s another issues that India has also produced gems like suresh kalmadi,ipl modi and s.bhatti(dd scam..the new bird in the nest)...to name a few who  not only gave some glittering opening shows but also successfully generated ships of money for themselves, their maids and their dogs.

In my last article I emphasised and elaborately wrote on the level of anxiety to be seen in the leading newspapers of different participating nations. So writing any further would spoil your brain and hurt my fingers.

The second S is Satire.

The moment I think of satire ....either the cheap laughing television shows or out of world idiotic jokes reminds us of satire. But no, that’s not what i am talking about....I am talking of films and satire.

Feature films are the great popular passion of India, cutting across the social divides – the divides of caste, class, religion, region, gender, language and rajnikant. The films take you to French riveira,swiss alps, south African coasts or to jalandhars’ mustard feilds.So that you can sing,dance and get lost in world of Romance, Reels and Romeos :-)

Hence, my lord lets attack each film industry one by one:

The Hindi film industry

The ingredients of the average hindi film is always well known; colour(high Eastman preferred, these days they have renamed it as UFO);songs(at least 6 or seven)in the voices one knows and trusts; dance-solo and assemble – the more frenzied the better; bad girl, bad boy, good boy, good girl, romance(but no kisses...leave the rest);tears; emotional tortures; fights; chases; melodrama; dwellings which can’t be outside studios; exotic locations in kullu,manali,ooty,London,spain(for hrithik fans)and paris.....OH!! What can I say more, even my girlfriend and father cant.

You see any three Hindi movies and god promise the “matter” of at least 2 will be the same.

Procedures of making a film is not less funny too. Huge posters (which only aliens can read),six pack stars(because family pack is outdated),sexy heroines(to increase already border touching blood pressure),music(plagiarism is must),lyrics(either gulzar or javed akhtar...rest all are morons),births and rebirths(the best Indian export till date),producers(with loads of black money) and finally some creepy script and an equally creepy director.

Result of film is always known...if its socially teaching , then a national award for producer, filmfare for the stars and zandu-balm for viewers is confirmed....while if it asks you to leave your brain outside theatres before entering..Then it should be commercially success unless it doesn’t follow the golden rules.*

*Golden rules:

1. Shahrukh khan sells, no matter how dirty is the script.

2. ask perfectionist amir khan to direct, act and offer him 20% of profits....forget about the film, it’s a bulls eye.

3. Budget is low...get a good and decent script..forget about the star casting...anyone will do even akshay kumar .

4. sexy and bombshell heroine is must along with extra-old actress for hero’s mom role.

5. if no proper script..then go to south, copy their rights and make it here.

6. finally...... atleast one sheela or munni to make more money.

The Malayalam and Bengali film industry.

The high literacy levels in Kerala and equally high laziness in Bengal along with Marxism is a sign of their quest for knowledge, awareness and over-low budget movies. "Malayalam and Bengali Cinema" are mirror to its superior taste, cultural finesse, class and red-zanda(flag). Malayalam movies have traditionally had a 'stand apart' quality about them in comparison with other Indian language movies, with Bengali movies having some similarity because it’s a damn intellectual stuff, which even Dr.abdul kalam can’t understand.

Realism has been the cornerstone of their cinema, realism that is all pervasive and evident in every aspect of the movie, from the selection of the theme, earthy dialogs, real life situations and non- contrived screen play, natural portrayal of characters, humour that blends with the situation and gay movies. It is no wonder that these masterpieces made on a shoe string budget draw rave reviews and critical acclaim in film festivals from Cannes to Banaras and from Allahabad to Berlin.

But, there are moments which always make you wonder “why am I watching this?”...

Reason....(for example)

There will be a hero (commonly mammoty,mohanlal).he will be very decent and wonderful gentleman with full of thick moustache,often so gentle that 30+ ladies would want him as husband. The heroine will wear white saare throughout the whole movie and will cary a oil-lamp in her hand...(which itself reduces half of the production cost).the background will be a house(again, it is the only location for the whole movie). There will be “only” two supporting actors. An old  ambassador car, political issue, lots of extra-senti scenes.....and finally hero – heroine make up their mind in the end of the movie to have romance....which interestingly the director challenges the audiences to dream as if it would  have happened.

The Telugu, Tamil and Kannada film industry:

First half starts in US or UK or swiss or Thai or local streets mainly bus-stops.

Hero and Heroine. Both may be strangers or friends or hero is trying for heroine or heroine is in love with other guy....but hero is still trying desperately (and thats legal).

Heros’ introduction song is always rocking......atleast 50 backup dancers...full of dust due to steps and heavy beats of drums...

 When hero sees the heroine, the screen fades, giving way to second song.

Third song comes when he still tries to flatter her or the successful love story song. When hero is busy in his trails for flattering the girl, 4 or 5 tata sumos, scorpios with around 8 or 9 men roam in class roads searching for some one. May be hero or heroine or their relatives.. !!!!

Interval bang: heroine kidnap. All that fellows in scorpios are not ordinary people, they belong to big factionist group (white dhotis...white shirts ...white scorpios....& black politicians). They are in search of her. In this moment hero should see with blank mind. But our hero who was studying either in states or in local college also belongs to another big factionist family. So he knows what to do.

Now let’s presume two factors;

Suppose hero is also from a faction family: the second half will be like this:

 He accelerates his bike with full throttle. He goes to the girl’s family and comes to know that faction leader is his uncle. His father and her father are distant relatives or closest friends turned enemies. (Reasons vary according to movies and states).

But, usually both get into some misunderstandings because of some silly land issues (even my neighbours 2-yr old daughter can solve) and they both become the greatest rivals separated by two villages.

Now the goal of hero is to unite both of them. (From here, the director starts thinking. how differently can we unite them? An asst. director thinks of different ways to unite two rivals? Producer thinks how to unite villages? Editor thinks on how unite two reels? And choreographer thinks how to make them dance?).

Suppose hero is not from a faction family:

He is by birth born in US to a NRI and he falls for a local girl who went to US for higher studies or fashion designing. So he will come back to chase her. He goes to the girl's family and comes to know that faction leader is his uncle. And again same cooking-story comes up!!

In between, you will have comedians giggling you, dummy mummy and daddy roles add attraction, huge dance sequences, at least one truck of plaster of paris applied to heroine...romance through flowers , villains and his associates flying in the air........in the end after  you come out ,  either you  go to a coffee shop or a  medicine shop, according to you level of headache.

Whatever you say, i always liked Indian movies. Because all i want is to escape from my day-to-day chores and relax for 3 hours completely in a movie hall, forgetting about whole world, finance, ICAI and its problems.

And,

The third S......ha ha ha ha  you know it!! You are smart enough........