The day that wasn't......

I woke up confused on a strange bed with some girls standing around me. They were all whispering to one another and peering down my face. My life was about to change, I knew, But not so soon, I smiled. I tried to get up but various wires tied me down. I could not remember how I got there and looked at clock. It was quiet and relaxed and showed 5.30 in the morning.

My head was aching. Maybe it was overstressed late-last night. The exoctica of life was missing. What am I into was immediate point of issue to be answered.

I stood up…..weak…drained….fell back on bed.

After few more hours…….

Slowly I realised I was in the ICU of some hospital: and with my Excessive book reading issues, I guessed I must have passed out at the studyroom ( After a marathon 16hour non-stop reading of Complaints act followed by Idiot Tax Act and Satire Tax, that too even without standing up to pee) before finally landing here.

One of the Nursing Lady told me it was Monday morning now and I gave everyone anxious moments on the previous evening. They had managed to shift me to the hospital in an ambulance in quickest possible time, which according to my doctor has given me a fresh lease ( no deed was carried-out though) of life. As my mind cleared, I suddenly remembered the previous morning and could not help smiling. People around me must have thought that the fall had done something to my head for me to smile in such a situation! Let me explain why I smiled.

On Sunday morning, the previous day, I was up unusually early and began aimlessly surfing the channels on the TV. I paused for a few minutes on a south channel in which an astrologer was rattling away the fortunes and misfortunes for the following week. His predictions for my ‘Rasi’ ’(zodiac sign) was that I will get to travel in a new type of vehicle, would be pampered by women and have bright chances to be in front or behind the camera. Since I am Young, I thought all these were coming a bit too early to be excited. The first two predictions seem to have come almost true. Though a ride in an ambulance and attention by nurses in ICU were the last things to make one happy, I was curious to know how the third prediction will turn out.

Without notice, the wires attached to me were pulled out. I was unceremoniously bundled on to a stretcher and then wheeled to a destination which I could not guess!. My smile vanished and I meekly enquired where we were heading. A bored reply ”for tests” came from the accompanying trainee nurse( followed by Blush). Then started a journey up and down the elevators, through various crowded corridors, gloomy passages and stopped in front of MRI room. A tired looking man pushed me into the machine and ordered me to remain still. It was claustrophobic with loud banging and ear- splitting noise inside the machine.

 “Expose your abdomen”, the lady ordered. I shrunk! What was she planning to do? I have seen the hero spinning a top around the navel of the heroine in a movie. With a threatening bladder ( remember, I didn’t pee for a long time) I was in no mood for romance. I wanted to sing “why this koleveri di?”. When she came to my abdomen, she resigned herself to scan a partially filled bladder and both were glad to get rid of each other. I would have strangled the TV astrologer if he had appeared before me. Was he referring to all these scans as a chance before Camera?

Back on my stretcher, I told the accompanying nurse that enough was enough and asked her to take me back to the ICU. Soon the doctor came and declared, “There were Ischemic changes in bilateral backoparietal white matter in my head, Fibrocalcific plaques in right brianoeotis causing 50% stenosis, severe IV dysfunction etc etc. I asked, “Doctor nothing serious is it not? Can I go home?” He appeared shocked! I did not wait for his answer and jumping out of the bed, asked my friend to get my clothes.

On our way back home, I saw a huge hoarding showing a big palm. It said “accurate palm reading and predictions. Meet astrologer so and so to know your future”. I told the autowallah, “ Stop the auto. I want to hurl a stone at that hoarding.”

He looked amused.

{ This fantasised extract from author's personal diary has nothing to do with his current employment as a trainee in  a leading Chartered Accountancy firm, trust me..!! }

The Chronicles of Chennai - Auto Version

There will be a time in “your” history when somewhere in the country, you will get down a train and starting searching for……..a……a………a……auto rickshaw. Yes, you read it correctly.

The Three-wheel or tuk-tuk, trishaw, auto, rickshaw, autorick, bajaj, rick, tricycle, mototaxi, or baby taxi whichever way you know, it’s fine unless and until you are in Chennai.

The Chennai Autorickshawallas  ( CA spelt as Cahhhh) claim to have  the blessings of Lord Rajni and God Gajni. And, Yes because of this special considerations they zip-zap-zoom across the streets no matter who walks, runs or jumps before them.

 Most recently while I was travelling in one of these autos’…… I got hold of a Paper which popped out accidentally out  of  passenger’s seat.Intrestingly, when I surfed through the paper, shocking things came out,"A Rule Note". Which read something like this......

      “RULES OF DRIVING AUTO IN THE HOLY CITY OF MADRAS”

#7     The language of Hindi should never be encouraged and same is with English. Do never speak in any other languages of this planet, other than your mother tongue Tamil.

#6     The Auto Committee has decided to support Anna Hazare and his India against Corruption Movement. Henceforth we won’t “EVER” install & run the meters of autos, as per common civil disobedience movement against corrupt practices in the country.

#5     With sudden rise of a Rupee in petrol/diesel prices should make 50% hike in passenger fare. If, any customers argues/bargains with you…ask him to Go-off ( F-off is better but don’t use it very constantly, as customer may get used to it)

#4      Select a Tamil star as your Demi-god. It’s always helpful to have huge posters inside auto, so that their fans may sometime pay extra tip or help you in verbal/physical brawls.

#3     Whenever and wherever possible stick stickers and tattoos of Either AIADMK or DMK in front of your auto. This helps to ease polici-cal as well political hassle.

#2      Road is all yours. Ride freely, enjoyingly and annoyingly. Dash anyone you want. Later that can be settled through Point 4 and 3 respectively.

#1      Free tour. If any person is brand new to chennai city, it’s your courtesy call, to give him a free tour of the city. So whenever a non-chennai passenger entrains your auto, Ask him whether he knows chennai. If no is the answer, please help him to have a greater look of Madrasapattinam overall.

                   AUTOMAYEJAYATEH

Iphone 4s & Rajnikanth relationship de-bunked!!

As you all might me fully "made" aware of the launch of Iphone 4s ( here S stands for Either Steve, Sachin or Shashank.... Matter is still pending in supreme court), It gives me great pleasure to write an article on a long pending topic, "Rajinkanth & Iphone" .

Oh, yes. you heard it right.

Reason: They both share many pros  and  no cons in common. 
So why wait. lets proceed and check the top 11 similarities between the 2 majestic pieces ever seen on earth.

11) Neither the producers of Rajnikanths' films nor the producers of the iPhone, need to pay a single paise for publicity. The newspapers and TV channels do brag it on their own. For free... free.....free.....!!!

10) Even before Robot or Endhiran was seen, it was decreed a hit (Sorry Ra.one.This aint same with you). Even before the iPhone 4s was released and used, it was declared a success. The hype is the KILLER, Which even the IIM-Trained MBA's cannot generate.

9) At nearly 1,000 rupees a ticket, a bit overpriced but  former bus conductor Rajnikanth has a strange hold on even 50-year-olds ( I'm talking about First-day,first Show tickets). At nearly 500 dollars for a phone, a bit overpriced, but former universal serial bus conductor Steve Jobs had a strange hold on 50-year-olds and above.

8) The Sivaji fans queued up in the middle of the night, broke coconuts, did arati for the Second Coming on RealaseFridays. iPhone fans slept on the pavements in tents, sang newton songs & palyed dandiya ( Ringa-ringa roses, if the earlier one was cheap) in front of Apple stores for the Jesus Phone .

7) In Almost every movie, Rajni can do many things at the same time: chew gum, belt some, kill tom, and be awesome. The iPhone too can do many things (but not all at the same time) surf the web, watch a movie, listen to a song, and in the end, it can sometimes make a call too.

6) The Tamil-film Industry is in safe Hands of College drop-out Rajnikanth. The iPhone also was in the safe hands of college dropout Steve Jobs who has not known failure at all as a tech visionary. (Well, thats what TIME Magazine says)

5) Rajnikanth excites even non-Tamil film critics who wouldn’t know the difference between vaango and quango. The iPhone excites even non-techies who don’t know the difference between byte and by-two.

4) Rajnikanth comes with a  style, amazingly packaged. iPhone is style wonderfully-packaged. The next Rajni starrer will be even bigger. The next fruit starrer will be even slimmer.

3) Though he is bigger, even Amitabh Bachchan has to acknowledge Rajni’s place in the sun.  though it is mighter, even Microsoft has to acknowledge Apple’s place because of the iPhone.

2) Rajni is deeply spiritual often goes  to the Himalayas to ponder the meaning of it all. Iphone  too is deeply spiritual, You only need to download proper applications on spirituality.

1) Whatever jokes and jakes..... satires and tyres or sentiments and cholroments you throw on them,  you cannot surpass them without throwing a glimpse . Maybe it rajni's huge life size poster on sathyam cinema or Iphones revolutionary looks, they will always  fascinate the world.



As Shaw-Ruuck khan says...."You can love them or hate them but.. you can't ignore them”   

Most important accidental Discoveries which changed the course of world

Thomas Edison was once caught saying to his girlfriend          

“Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Err…well he was sincerely speaking about his experiments, nothing else.(Oh now stop thinking!!)

This inspired me to think, study and dream about non-science experiments which changed our lives forever.

#5 Chocolate Chip Cookies

According to Nestle, Mrs. Wakefield (owner of the Toll House Inn) was making chocolate cookies but ran out of regular baker’s chocolate, so she substituted it with broken pieces of semi-sweet chocolate, thinking that it would melt and mix into the batter. It clearly did not, and the chocolate chip cookie was born. Wakefield sold the recipe to Nestle in exchange for a lifetime supply of chocolate chips (instead of patenting it and making billions!) Every bag of Nestle chocolate chips in North America has a variation of her original recipe printed on the back (margarine is now included both as a variant on butter and for those people who want to pretend it is healthy).

As of now Nestle is the largest food and nutrition company in the world. It operates in around 86 countries and employees more than 2, 80,000 people world-wide.

SS-Factoid: Nestle has recently concluded that the sales of Bourneville chocolate has gone down as people are literally not buying it because they want to earn it!!...phewwww

#4 Potato chips

If  you can't eat just one potato chip, blame it on Chef George Crum. 

He reportedly created the salty snack in 1853 at Moon's Lake House near Saratoga Springs, New York. Fed up with a customer who continuously sent his fried potatoes back, complaining that they were soggy and not crunchy enough, Crum sliced the potatoes as thin as possible, fried them in hot grease, then doused them with salt. The customer loved them and "Saratoga Chips" quickly became a popular item at the lodge and throughout New England., later throughout the world

SS-factoid: Lays in in its recent board meeting has passed an unanimous resolution promising customers of more chips and less of air inside its chips packets  

#3 Corn Flakes 

Ok. For millions of americans and billions of earthly citizens, corn flakes is one of the best morning breakfast ever invented. Its quick,easily digestible, and energetic but next only to redbull or “the LAL SANDH” . 

This idea of corn flakes began by accident when Kellog and his younger brother, Will Keith Kellogg, left some cooked wheat to sit while they attended to some pressing matters at the sanitarium. When they returned, they found that the wheat had gone stale, but being on a strict budget, they decided to continue to process it by forcing it through rollers, hoping to obtain long sheets of the dough. To their surprise, what they found instead were flakes, which they toasted and served to their patients. This event occurred on August 8, 1894, and a patent for "Flaked Cereals and Process of Preparing Same" was filed on May 31, 1895, and issued on April 14, 1896

SS-Factoid: In year 2007, Corn flakes celebrated its 100 years of its existence and has released a brochure of future flavours….which includes Coffee, Rose, Pepsi, and Mcdowells No.1 for adults with hangover.

#2 Coffee

From SlashFoods: "The Legend of Kaldi maintains that an Abyssian or Ethopian goat herder noticed that his flock was acting especially frisky after chowing down on some bright red berries. After sampling some for himself and verifying the mood shift, he brought the berries to a local imam who studied them, eventually roasting and boiling a batch in water."

No SS_Factoids for this, considering the fact that I am a very heavy fan of Coffee :P

# 1 You

Friends, what else in the world can be more dramatic than you sitting in front of your laptop/pc/mobile and reading this. Consider this valid medical point “millions of sperms fight out EVERYTIME for one single position and in the end, if ALL goes WELL, ONLY ONE SUCCESSFULLY MAKES OUT”

•   YOU are the best person in the world!
•  YOU are smartest, and can tell when you’ve found the right perception.
• YOU can experience the joy of having a beautiful life!
• YOU are having an enjoyable time reading this page!
• YOU will next, won’t be able to resist the urge to tell your friends about me!

Hence/Hens, I wanted to draw an important conclusion that YOU are the most important and intellectual discovery of all time. You can never be re-found,re-booted nor re-invented. You are worth trillions. So stop crying over failed aspirations, quests and relationships (if, any).

Start living life………………….

P.S : other worth knowing accident discoveries being 

1.Microwave oven

2.Super glue

3. Vulcanized Rubber

4.Fireworks

5.Soaps.....to name a few


note: other than SS = Satire Shashank factoids, rest all are true as per my knowledge!!

20 commandments of Con-gre-ass party

Dear con-grease party workers,

As you’re slightly aware that the “holy di-wine” is suffering from a very rare disease .So, The diggviji sigh & man-no-man are currently feeling very lonely. Hence Before leaving for her anticipated high profile visit to state of new-cork…….Madam along with other senior dignitaries has framed a  mayavati-nice , vodka-strong and kalmadi-innocent commandments to be followed by all Con-grease workers across the universe.

      1.The frame(photo ones) must never be stained, as party high command has proclaimed;
   

      2. Love Rahul BABA over all things;
      

      3. Declare your unconditional love for Con-gre-ass & Sonia Jee;

      4. Defend the Fingers of Hand;

      5. Preach the words of “Sonia G” all over the world;

      6. Pray in the church where she preached, and to her sacred well ironed Sarees;

      7. Do not proclaim the name of Sonia/Rahul infront of other political parties;

      8. Follow the teachings of the Rajiv Church;

      9. Let Gandhi be your second name, and that of your children;
 

     10. “lei è forza, E 'universo, è al centro di tutto” (Meaning “she is strength, She is universe ,        

she is the center of everything”)

11.. The month September shall hence forth be renamed as “ soniamber”

12. Thou shalt have no other leader before her, neither Gandhi nor ambedkar, vallabhai nor bose. Thou shalt worship only her, and come to 10janpath only for answers.

13. Thou shalt remember each passing day and use thy time as an opportunity to gain knowledge of Her highness.

14. Thou shalt not misspell whilst praying to her. i.e, Edvige Antonia Albina Maino

15. Thou shalt not Google about anna hazare

16. Thou shalt not manipulate with factbooks and try to find out about origin of her highness “godmother”

17. Thou shalt not make for thyself any graven image of sonia

18.Thou shalt always know is the ultimate BOSS – Rahul JEE

      

      19.Thou shalt learn Italian and make it your mother    tongue

20.Thou shalt read above 19 points daily 64times (her age) or else Delhi Police will be sent to detain You and send you to Tihar jail

Hope you will be well versed by the above 20 commandments.

Please note : In every 6 months a test will be conducted to check your level of grip over the subject.

For eg., 1.Explain Manmohan mode (7 marks)

              2.In detail explain Manish teWARi (15 marks)

Yours sincerely,

Always lovable,

Jai didi

P.MukherG

(phy-nonsense minister)

                                         Janhit mein jaari..............

Memories....

Memories…..Some are big, others are beautiful. Some express love, others revisit the lost. Some give remembrance, others give pleasure. Some transport you back, others bring a smile.

Whichever way you try, memories are the only paradise  which can never   be expelled from our life!   

 5th, August, 2010

I was in deep siesta. Suddenly random sounds woke me up. Slowly I opened my eyes, with a blurred vision, I can see white clad sarees  hovering around the room. This usually never happens in In-patient Ward at Christian Medical College at night 2 o’clock. After recuperating my full senses I can observe Adis’ O2 meter was coming down slowly but surely. With every passing minute it was dropping a per cent.

The situation was reasonably bad. Junior doctor responsible of the night shift made few attempts with additional anti-biotics to make matters well again. But of absolutely no use.

Karincheti Aditya was experiencing last few minutes of his life.

Sitting next to him, holding his hand, my brain started a 20 year ‘back’ journey.

Nothing was more memorable than the feeling.  The warmth of his hand was impulsive, momentary and fortuitous, which entreated upon as a playful summer mango tree in grannys home; another, a  moonlight terrace sleep; a third, a fight posing as WWE wrestlers.  The presentiment triggered slowly a strong dark insight of memory like giant blast in universe creating black hole., A vaccum to come in his absence.

Everything ceased to exist . The sprinting of people around me. The reverberation of  medical equipment beeps .The cool dark weather outside the window. The dim light inside the room. The speechless parents.


As the clock ticked past 2.30, my wish was finally fulfilled.To hug him.The moment my chin struck his right shoulder…..goosebumps rolled up my sleeves and the tears which evaporated for a span of 3 years suddenly broke me down with huge thump in heart.

The only question which I whispered into ear was “ when will come back for a fight?”…….

As anticipated there was no reply….( for past 48 hours he was in coma)

All I lived, was the moment. it wasn’t going to come back….

Exactly At 2.55a.m , The curtains fell upon the life of  a person who has been part of my life and will remain forever. His struggle, tussle, and wriggle are unceasing and relentless teachers for me.

An Year Later......

 Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, excruciating, and biased at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Adi always taught me one thing: come whatever, whether its sad or happy, disheartening or unlucky, winning or stressed, intentional or insulting……In the end accept it with a smile.

As, the very exquisite purpose of life is a life of purpose, don’t fight it,Challenge it.

“When life goes wrong, as it sometimes will,

when the road you’re trudging seems all uphill.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us occasionally learns.

Stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,

So,No matter what happens,never quit..........”