chap-1 : MAYANKONOMICS
"No Mayank, You Moron you can't do that.....come down or else I will come Kick your ****"
Mayank wasn't responding. He was calm and silent. His eyes can speak for him. I can, from 45 feet down feel the pain going through his heart. Practically he was assaulted by a girl who thinks he is just small kid with a face of an adult. The girl in the question is Aprana.A topper and a one with full of high ego which can even tell Mount Everest that it’s just a baby before it.
Exactly, Two years back, Aparna had fired bullets into mayank's heart by declaring him as a pervert and no-mind idiot[which certainly sounds funny because idiots dont have BRAINS] who needs friends to fulfill his recess appetite(in this case, its the Tiffin break time she is referring to...)in front of the whole class .Well, after that one-sided bashing by aparna , mayank who had 80% of his heart filled with love for her., left no stone unturned to make it 100%....Awesome isn’t it. That’s why from that day if anyone acts foolishly we ask him not become MAYANK or stop his "MAYANKGIRI" as we already have one.
Mayank wasn’t listening. i had to do something or else his parents would loose their 21 year old unplucked fruit(i thought it would be stylish to use it instead of virgin) and i would suffer a dear friend of mine.I thought harder and harder and harder until my brain started to swell and cause me a headache.
"C'mon brain start working and get me some idea "......I , told myself
"Eureka ......Eureka....i got an idea"...shouted Chana a.k.a chandrachur,as if he is naked and in the bathtub
"why cant we just tell him that if he comes down from that water tank , then we would certainly go to that crow and make her convince" said chana referring to aparna as the crow (the pet name we gave her because thats the way she sounds when she talks)
"ok...as you wish but what ever you want to do....do it fast, i want that fool back on ground" I whispered to chana softly so that the dharmendra standing up on the tank couldn’t listen to what i said.........
After nearly an hour of negotiation from our chief negotiator Rohit....Mayank finally agreed to step down (actually he was saved , because i was getting so much irritated ,that, i myself thought of going up and kicking him off the tank) but wait, he gave us a condition list.
1. within one month we have to get that crow , i mean aparna and make her fall for him.(oh Jesus!!)
2. we have to accompany him to Kolkata where aparna studies
3. All should be done without an inch of “the secret” leaking to his parents.
After the list was read out by himself, I, K.Shashank, like the general of Pakistani army in 1976 indo-pak war unwillingly signed the pact (in just imagination ) and waved him a white flag signaling that we have surrendered and would agree to his 3-point pact .
20 days later....
"ok , here’s the deal .....next week i will come to Kolkata...pretending to my parents as if im just on a casual vacation and then we can search the Himalayan crow " I said to other three on the conference call specially arranged by mayank.
"I kill you, if you call her a crow once again, its just her voice which troubles her" shouted mayank in the phone....
“No problem, we can carry some Vicks tablet boxes to clear her throat" I murmured to myself....after ending the call.
chap-2 welcome to kolkata!!!
"oh god, if i miss my train, then vinod is dead" I, shouted jumping on my toe as he will be the architect-butcher of my trip (vinodh is my dads’ circuit)....Thanks to naxal brothers somewhere in the forest of Jharkhand border , all the trains running from Rourkela to Kolkata have been rescheduled by 9hours.Now my train which had to leave at 2.00p.m came only by 11.30 at night. And that time vinodh brought a stupendo- fantastic news “may be the train has left”.
1 Hour later....
thank jess....Vinodh saved!!! dad had just leaked the news from DRM office from his highly placed source that the train"AZAD HIND EXPRESS" is on time....as if he is in RAW and i was boarding samjhota express to faisalabad,pakistan :-)
Atlast at 12.00 a.m ,30th dec2010...I,After nearly a week of negotiations with my parents started the second most enduring and astonishing journey in the history of mankind (next only to the famous journey by fab five of chapra,Bihar ).....to conquer a lost love and unite two deprived souls .
16 hours later.....
I was still inside the train , happily listening to the new included songs in my ipod.But my neighbours had made up their mind from their home itself, before boarding the train,” that we are going to bore this tall fellow who will be sticked to backstreetboys songs and a novel”.All in their mid-20s,were at their highest pitch discussing thier non-sense adventures about lust and fun. Even the reason for their trip from raipur to kolkata was purely on entertainment basis.i.e, champakali was in the town and then the rest they discussed intrested me much more.......although i was pretending as if i was not listening to them.
At last 38 hours before the advent of new year , the so-called and self-proclaimed greatest fan of rajnikant enters the city of rassugulla,ganguly and cute girls (last one is a sure-shot fact).After a rescheduling of 10 hours and late by 3 extra hours .....A tired, stunned and half de-hydrated me stepped on the soil of sweetest metropolitan on the planet earth.
Thousand cheering travelers, hundreds of roaring hawkers and innumerable dancing porters were there to welcome the greatest south-Indian who has come back after a straight gap of 1 year......
(Disclaimer: this is just the authors imagination..But all of the above may be true owing to authors wide-spread following in India and Abroad.)
Two of most efficient and energetic office bearers of the NEWS group :- Chandrachur a.k.a chana and mayank a.k.a chunnu came to the station to receive the the south-indian superstars not-so-famous fan.......
After a hectic 1-hour drive in yellow demon(ambassador yaar.....),I set my foot inside the fort which was reserved for me in kolkata.A 7 storey high rising bulding with a backside pond and fresh flowers made me relaxed after the hectic journey. At the Third floor i entered chana’s flat which his rich-lawyer dad had bought 2 years ago just for relaxation purpose.........
"Ting tong,ting tong" i pressed the door bell hoping rohit would open the door.......
door got opened ......"Alas,wait this is not rohit" i said to myself
"omg!!! there is an intruder in our group...damn it chana damn it"
After a conversation with him ...I got to know that his Parents named him "subhojit" so that one day he would be shubh to a group of four Einsteins who have planned to go to DARJELLING in the month of january.
But,The feminine character of group was yet to arrive..Heavily built ,round faced and "some" inbuilt characters of a girl made him a distinctive feature of the NEWS group.3 hours later when he arrived too, he was expecting the same treatment as it was given to me....in the sense receiving by friends at station and paying for taxi by themselves...but wait...No one can beat craze that Shashank has ;-)
Lately he had to be satisfied by what he got...Poor Rohit.
Facto: the name NEWS was introducedto us seeing the family background we all belonged to.
Rohit from benaras,North......Chana from Asansol,East.....Mayank from Rajasthan,West and then Finally S.....no intro required i guess......!!!
CHAP- 3 Operation CCD....
“Tango and bravo, go to second floor ,16000sq.ft,search each and every corner”
“Charlie and harry, you both to first floor, concentrate more on crowded places as we may find some luck there.....”
“Ted you cover me...see that there are no infringements in our back to back formation”......I, said after we had group handshake....
“Go,go,go.....get me a good news guys ...go go”
We all started our individual search...we broke our neurons, we became nervous, we had to cross river of people ,we had to fight against fear, we got headache, we were hungry but we had that spark to reach our destination and conquer our dreams.
After nearly an hour of restless searching.....
Beep...beep..beep...my message box ringed!!!
It read “Target located.....want your asses up at firstfloor ,g-block,no.22”
We all rushed to the site.....eager to see the result...eager to know whether Charlie got things correctly.... finally eager to get our ambitions fulfilled!!!
“Alas!!! He has it....he finally got the table....”...i fisted the table and shouted like the captain of the team which has won the 2010 fifa world cup.
Explanation:
Actually, As it was the new year eve, managing to get inside a coffee shop was pretty difficult. So, all this drill had to be performed to win a table for 6 in the cafe coffee day so that we can spend a quality time together in between the hundreds of laila-majnus ,who were constantly making every single effort to ruin our evening.
By the way you may be wondering how come our count went to six.
The Sixth predator entering our group is “sweet”. the name we gave to shweat (chana’s friend),who was about to get entertained by us for rest of the night till 8.00p.m or else her doctor father would perform operation on us (now, I don’t feel to discuss the type of operation he’s going to do seeing our scope of being “fruitful” young man ;-) )
That night we all discussed how pissed-off our lives are...and whats the scope of getting more pissed in the mere future. We talked about life and love in same way Kate winslet and Leonardo di caprio discussed about theirs in the movie titanic minus the jumping from ship scene!
4hours before New Year.....
Sweet departed....we were all on the street trying to pick up a cab which could drive us straight to parkstreet, where we can view the replica of edengarden-style crowd walking to and fro the same 2km street for 6-8 times , only to finally understand that they are being converted into the biggest fools on planet earth.(self-experience!@#)
But before we could take a cab,"mother nature gave us all".." the unrequired call" .......
“wheres the restroom,i need to use it”....chana was jumping
Of course after drinking two liters of coffee ,every ‘human being’ is expected to be called by nature.....
For the first time in my 20 yrs life i agreed with someone completely....
“i guess we can go to that mall opposite to complete nature’s call”..i said in excitement.
We joined the line of people who were being searched before entering the mall.
Peep...peep....peep .......the search machine started the sound when it was brought near to my shirts left’s pocket.
“whats in there?”..asked the guard lifting one of his eyebrow.....that too in magambo’s(mr.india fame) voice...
I got tensed, sweat filled my forehead, my heart started to thump heavily, my legs started to tremble, my hands were shaking, my nervousness reached its maximum level
(this is what rohit felt about me on that moment..but none of these happened... maa kasam!! )
“I guess there’s a heart filled with loads of love” I shouted to the guard......easing the situation and making all the people in line laugh....
After clearing the airport style checking we finally emptied our tanks and felt as if we have set our foot on mars.
One of my old-friend once said regarding nature’s call.....”Dude, the satisfaction derived after the process( i.e,emptying tanks) is worth more than Rs.30 crores”.....
I don’t Know Why exactly 30crores, but” yes” the satisfaction is worth it!!!!
Chap-4 The fight club!!!
After we fulfilled our 10-mns dream with mother nature....
we parked our butts on a side-walk to watch the romantic city come alive. Girl with a boy and boy with a girl (and ya in some places there were even boy with a boy too.....).
Suddenly, my eyeballs rotated towards a girl wearing black jeans and white tees. She was in her early 20s’, wearing fully framed spectacles. Nice thick, long and black hair, quite a tremendous look from back and front..... (i can go on....but censor issues make me calm down).
“Wait....”i told myself
“oh my god that’s crow i guess.....”i pointed my finger towards her [catching attention of the other 4 sitting next to me].
“wtf is she doing here?” asked subhojit
“May be she is out with her parents to celebrate the new year” mayank told silently......one can only see the amplitude of happiness or in other words the unlimited amount of watts of light glowing on his face after catching a glimpse of her.
.......But suddenly a group of people gathered around her..... For a better view we too went closer, only to see that she and her accomplice (another girl !!) were mishandled by some jerks.
After some initial inquiry we got to know that those jerks were following her and when she tried to warn them....they were trying to overpower her.
“what a scene sirjee!!! You can prove what your capable of infront her...right now....” rohit told mayank drawing us all outside the scene.....
Just when i was getting ready to declare rohit’s theory as a rubbish idea ...mayank disappeared inside the crowd
Some sounds came….
First one was ”thud,...thud...”...and then the next one “ ouch.....ouch”
From inside i thought that the boy must have made “those jerks” bleed and bath in pain but what happened was completely reverse.
The gorilla height lover was assaulted for rescuing the girl or rather “trying “ to rescue.
“enough is enough” Subhojit said...”my dear Spartans , glory awaits us, don’t forget your history and your valiance. Lets go and finish the work. Lets kick their ****es. come letssssss win”......
We all went inside again but this time not to see but to save a poor girl from the clutch of raccoons.
Ajay devagan in golmal-3,salman khan in dabaang and Hrithik in krish would have fell on their knees and beg us to teach them the fighting skills which we were about to unleash......
i took one from the back ,rohit and chana took down the other .....while mayank was getting ready to payback by slapping the one whom i was holding.....
But suddenly the unbelievable happened.......
“Zappat.....”
In a moment of over-adrenaline rush mayank by-mistake gave a slap to crow who was standing next to me (actually the guy,whom, i was holding bent down so automatically chunnu’s hand went towards her .......)
The jerks panickly flew away seeing our strength because we were 5 and they were 2 only!!!
OK.....whatever happened was immaterial but atlast we were able to save the girl......
The moment they ran away.....aparna gave a “ I will kill you” look to all of us and walked away from the scene of crime.
Now, fifty odd-eyeballs were staring at us.... (as if we have asked them to give the phone numbers of their sexy daughters so that we can take them on a date) .....
Wounded , strained ,hurt and pained , mayank and we settled down near a footpath till chana gets back with a bottle of water to fulfill our thirst.
“how awesome is she??? We saved her and without any sense of thankfulness ...she just slipped from there” i groaned....
Suddenly, mayank’s phone started to ring....
Unknown number appeared on the screen.....
He picked up.....saying “Hello”....A female voice can be heard...
it was Aparna(damn it!!). She called him back to tell sorry, thank you and to give reason on why she left us without a drop of gratitude.
The two newly-self-discovered parrots talked in the phone for next 1.5 hours until mayank’s phone battery finally gave up pleading for its life.
Chap-5 dudes in darjelling!!!
Part-1
“shabjee....shabjee..gangtok teen ghanta, aur, darjeeling bhi teen ghanta.gadi bhi aap khudh choose karlo....bahuuuuut sasta meinn dega hum”....bragged a cab owner in his Nepalese accent outside siliguri station.
“dekho bhaiya hamara gadi agey khada hoga...humein apki gadi nahi chaiye”....Rohit answered back....to save some bucks and go for a better bargain ahead.
(oh you may be wondering what are we doing in siliguri.......)
FLASHBACK :
After the two different creatures created by god to sustain life on earth and improve their population numbers fell in love....i.e mayank(humonkey) and aparna(crow) ,We had a difficult time controlling the gates of emotions flowing out from chunnu’s mind!!! Oh Im sorry , he doesn’t have it ...So its his heart.
That night after he finished his marathon call, mayank broke us the most sadistic news in the world(Even india TV provides a better news than what he gave us) . Aparna had to go to her uncle’s house to attend some kind function in Darjeeling....
“did u say Darjeeling?” i asked surprisingly .(I further didn’t ask for more details as the ghost of his love story was already getting onto my nerves).
“ya we are following her to Darjeeling because i want to propose her as soon as possible”...he murmured.....
6 hours later ,and with a promise that he would pay for ‘our’ fooding and lodging...We all slowly nodded our head in same way my dad nodes his , while handing over ‘my’ pocket money to ‘me’ every month with a “Do you need it??” look.
Thanks to Lalu prasad’s tatkal service .....We all headed to Darjeeling via siliguri expect subhojit who had went back home due to some personal problems.
{*All parents were told some cock and bull story by chana to get them convinced !!!}
Today:
The route via siliguri to Darjeeling was just a road to wonderland.........
lush gardens of tea, greenery like a green sea
small and young waterfalls, way away from dirty malls,
women with baskets on their forehead,
were walking until their legs were dead
children covered with apple cheeks ,
Dude its not a place for the geeks.(oh my gosh...i am a poet too!!!)
Mayank with his non-reliable reliance(oxy-MORON) network ,got us all the comfort we ‘demanded’ before boarding the train. The moment we dropped our weights on the grounds of hillstation...we started our mission . we had a concrete plan to track her down ,follow her footsteps,eat momos and more momos and then enjoy the scenic beauty.
Mission 1
Time : Next day morning 4.00 a.m......
Check list: 1.scraf – done
2.gloves - done
3.wind cheater – done
4.brain - data error ..couldn’t find
Report : The news group headed towards Tigerhill. A hilltop location 20-oddkms from Darjeeling to view sunrise and kachenjunga.
Reason: Crow was accepted to show up there.
Detail : We all stood at a perfect location on the tiger hill to catch a glimpse of sunrise ,Kanchenjunga plus our target. It was already -6oC,and we were standing without a single hint that the target won’t be coming thanks to her uncle who already knew about the temp.
Feet were frozen.....stomachs were pleading for ambrosian(thats greek god of food)
Coffee was the key......cold had gone down to the knee
But friendship came in between... or else there would be a murder scene.
Atlast we had a group hug ......worked like cold breeze anti-drug!!!
Already we had paid for the cab , so we thought of having a glimpse of the world-renowned Buddhist ghoom monastery and Sherpa memorial enroute to our hotel .
Result : Mission 1 failed......
Mission 2
Time: Post Breakfast
Location : tea garden or the Zoo.......(why? Because we ourselves don’t know)
Detail: after Rohit ate his regular appetite of 20 sandwiches and 5 omellettes..We headed straight towards our next location i.e., The famous Darjeeling Tea garden. I wanted to have a picture just like sharukh khan did in ddlj minus the sarso khet but i had g/f issues....so the scope of that photo had to be postponed till either the other party agrees to come down to Darjeeling or Stephen hawking proves that there is nothing called time infinity(i believe him blindly)
(This yet again shows the level of authors fascination.....please don’t overstress your mind on author relationship status......it can complicate you more than the jammu Kashmir issue )
Tea garden was unhelpful. So the last place left was mayank’s relative’s place which people commonly refer as “ZOO”.
In-between:
[Rohit was hanging down the cliff, he had to be saved. one wrong step ....and he is gone into the world on unknown and unseen!!his hands became sweaty, his tummy was grinding against the stone, his Forehead had dust on it, his throat was drinking litres and litres of its own saliva. He was frightened, but after a gruesome 10mns he successfully landed back on ground.
“Ha ha ha ha”...the three of us were rolling on floor laughing when rohit came back. he was climbing down a practise rock last used by mountaineers 60years back. Now it’s just a kids play but the way he behaved was worth shooting and selling it to star news for 200rs....so that they would show it in their “haasogay toh fassogay” Programme....]
When we enterd the Zoo, its residents or rather its inmates gave us a grand salute and standing ovation for helping mayank in this difficult part of his not-so-happening-life.
2hours passed and still there was no sign of aparna.
In the mean time,Chana and i became busy watching the tiger and wondered “why in this world that there are only 1611 of its family members left?”
But at the end we finally concluded that either their wives/girlfriends are unhappy with them over some “gift” issues (So, reproduction stopped!!!) OR they didn’t apply for the special reservation scheme the government recently declared for them(surely,jobless).
At the end, We had a great time watching red panda, chimpanzee, deer, yak and of course mayank!!
Result: thers no need of discussing that :-(
Part-2
Restless and half-dead, we told sayonara to the hotel lobby manager who in return escorted us to our cab and wished us a safe return journey.(of course he had to!! After paying 75bucks as tip....who wouldn’t?).
The new driver was a young, extra-blood pumping, rookie nepali.His passion towards driving and girls was quite appreciable. He even fulfilled Rohit’s dream of travelling with a beautiful local girl and mayank’s aim of eating tasty momos.
By evening 7,We got our self thrown at the siliguri station waiting for our chukh-chukh to come. The atmosphere was very silent(just like exam hall....that feeling makes me creepy...leave it!!).Densely fogged, no-customer tea stalls, half blinking tube lights , fan rotating at speed of gramophone tape, and visibility level of a sauna room. Each of the comrade was lost in his thoughts thinking about pro’s and con’s of this tour.
“There’s someone coming towards us.” I told taking off my glasses.....
A tall shadow appeared from the fog just like shahrukh khan did in the trailer of main hoon na.
There was no security ,not a single person was visible in the 100 yards, even a shout would take decades to reach the entrance. We all held our hands, prayed to god that we would be stranded here if this shadow steals us. The black image a.k.a shadow came nearer and nearer. Our frightness level reached its danger mark.
“tada.....!!”Shouted the shadow.....whom we generally know as aparna .
She gave us the whole story on how she made mayank roam the whole Darjeeling just to check his sincerity towards her (are you kidding me?)......
After getting insulted infront of the whole class, getting his face punched and nearly jumping from a tank ....she still wanted a test (huhaaah !! c’mon lady !!)
Now, both happy souls held hands of each other by completely forgetting that we are standing just next to them. We were all excited to watch a romantic scene...LIVE... that too without either downloading it or paying for it.
5’4” boy was drawn by the 5’8’ girl towards her. She placed his hand on her hip. He became anxious. Their distance of 1 meter was slowly reduced to a quarter. Both felt each others breath. Mayank closed his eye and brought his vaselined lip towards her.( already huge sky rocket fireworks had started at the background with a violin and piano music playing at a slow volume).she too closed her eyes and started the final journey to make her lips virgin free.
The three of us were in a stance of “wowwwww!!!” position. She made her final move...........the final journey for the lip-locking began.....
Count down started 5..4..3..2...
Suddenly my phone started to ring...... “who the hell is calling now......?” i asked myself
The display name showed.......”MAYANK CALLING”
Epilogue
“abbey abhi tak soya hai tu......utth gadi station mein aagaya hai”mayank shouted on the phone making me wake up from my big slumber sleep......
“what station came,?? oh god what a dream !!! I unimaginably made mayank the hero the story.....”I cursed myself after coming to full consciousness....
It was the first time that I slept for continuous 11 hours without a single hiccup to my dream.
The credit should be given be 3 people:
1. My mom: for making a wonderful dinner the night before i boarded the train and feeding me heavily.
2. A very close friend(name withheld due copyright issues): who suggests me only either romantic novels or romantic movies
3. Chuck – the lead character of the action serial ...because i watched its 3 seasons in 45 hours without a break
Finally, I landed my suitcase on the howrah platform......to start my journey to the heaven ;-)
